A Good Mood

Hello!
I'm in a really good mood today despite that I'm snotting all over as I write. Not just because I'm a bit minging like that but because I have inevitably got the cold my Mam had. I just have to be in the same room as someone ill and I'll have the same thing a week later. Thank god this doesn't seem to happen with STDS otherwise I'd be in trouble haha.

I think having an excuse not to get out of bed is great, and also I got two new items of clothing in the post which I love, love, love! Yep I feel it was necessary to write that three times haha. I will upload them later but my mobile has been sent away today to get unlocked.

Oh guess what, I keep on jinxing myself with whatever I write in this blog. It's very creepy. Whatever I say is not going to happen like, ever, seems to happen a few days after I write it. Some of you might remember a blog or so ago I wrote about some friends that never bother to keep in touch or arrange anything and I was finally giving up. Strangely enough, Kat has arranged for the full group to go to a meal, very unlike her, and Bex is coming along although she usually never bothers. So on this note, gee I don't think I'm going to win the lottery...


I'll let you know if that worked...


Also I got my job back today which I got fired from. I missed a few work shifts because I wasn't told about them so I was fired by letter, yay. Anyway I handed in my uniform last week at the office but my Boss rings me up today saying she never fired me she just wanted to know where I was. The letter said "You have seven days to resign, or we'll take it that you've left and will have to dismiss you permanently". But er, ok. To be fair my work is a place where I'm sure dreams die, but money never comes my way often so probably best I take it back up. To give you an insight into the glamourous world of me I work part time in a "kiosk" which means a glorified mcdonalds that doesn't smell sell chips. I just wrap hot dogs, move pies about, occasionally go on the till, handle abuse from rowdy drunks and generally want to fling myself out of the closest window. Soo, I was wondering, who out there reading this has officially the worst job ever and can make me feel better about mine? Go for it!

Quote for the week :)

Here's a quote from singer Adelle on receiving freebie clothes:
"I've given up on them. They come in a size 8 max. I'm like 'Well that's one leg sorted'"
I nearly peed a little on the bus when I read it.

Letting Go Of The Old

I'm sure I'm not the only person who hates to lose people they were once so close to. We all have people who were once special to us, but for some reason or other we're lucky if we see them once a year. It happens gradually; you start to see eachother less, you bump into eachother and say you're going to make an effort, but it never happens.

My usual story is that I end up doing all the chasing. For example, I once had a best friend, Cary, a few years back who started to hang around with the 'popular' people. I didn't really mind at first, I was happy that she had extra friends as I had my own too, and I knew we were still tight. After time though she stopped making time for our group of friends and only wanted to hang around with them. I couldn't understand it, surely she could make the time for both of our groups, just as everybody else did? Of course she had the time, but sometimes you can't force something that somebody doesn't want anymore. It hurt to be rejected, I tried talking, trying to make an extra go. It annoyed me that she wouldn't bother for a month and then she'd ring me up as if we'd only talked a few hours ago and she'd ask if I wanted to go out. Cary considered herself too busy to arrange things like meals etc and getting everbody together and thought it was totally fine to expect me to always do it. At first I didn't mind, but as time went by and the texts always started 'I want to go out clubbing, could you invite everybody', it got to the stage where I thought why bother? Looking back I was so desperate for it to work and we had such a good time when she finally came out I just kept on making up for her lack of effort. It wasn't that I didn't have other friends, I had loads of really good caring ones, but just that we used to be so close was enough to make me do all the running. I still get the odd text.

This pattern follows on through a multitude of friendships. Most recently was Beth, a good friend for the past 8 years. She would always complain she was stuck in the house on her blog, and as I hadn't seen her for a while I thought I'd make the effort. We went on a walk and it was really fun, so we arranged to meet up in a few days to go shopping. I was woken up by my phone ringing and a stroppy Bex on the other side.
"Where are you?" She fumed.
I looked at the watch, it was 9am (!) but we weren't meeting until 1pm.
"Errr in bed... Why were are you?" A horrible panic began forming in my stomach.
"Standing outside where we're supposed to be meeting, thanks alot"
I'm sure that we arranged for 1pm, so I tried to make her believe me, and that I could meet her in 30mins and make it up to her. She was obviously very annoyed which I understood, but after alot of apologizing she refused to see me and went home. I tried messaging her online (where she had nicely posted messages to my close friends telling them of how I'd forgot about her and left her there on purpose) to apologize. I tried to invite her out and promised I would be on time and that it was a mistake. Somehow she was always busy with her new friends. After a while it finally dawned on me, there wasn't much more I could do about the situation, she was only a 10 minute walk from home anyway, I had apologised alot more than once, and all the time she was obviously not budging. It was nearly a year ago, and she still hasn't been free to see me, but she never invites me out to things when she does have the money. The only exception was her birthday in which I was given less than a days notice and had no money and I think she still holds it against me.

Today, my friend came into Town just to see me and have dinner with me, and she walked all the way to work with me after our lessons to hand in my uniform, then walked me to the bus stop (which took like 2 hours). I insisted she didn't as I felt pretty sly because so much walking was involved, but she said I was a friend and that she didn't mind because she'd know I'd do it for her. When I think of Beth though, I dont think this would ever happen, although maybe it would have (and did) once upon a time.

My new resolution from now on is that I'm not going to jump through hoops to stay good friends with people if they aren't making any effort back. It's hard to say, and I know I might sound a few sneaky texts just to see how she's doing as I do with all of my friends, but I'm going to stop making all the effort. Ha, I sound like such a loser. I swear I'm not a cat lady - I really do have friends that I see alot! But seriously, if you let people take advantage, sometimes even your closest friends will take the opportunity. Let me know what you think... Anyone else in a similar situation?

Eat the cake already!!

Life is depressing when you are the fattest in your group of friends (by far) and you're a British size 10. What is WRONG with you people? As all of them bar one are dancers, and the other has the best metabolism ever - bitch - I can't help but feeling a bit bad about myself. Just a little.



To be honest, I usually feel totally happy with my weight now , but once upon a time I was the complete opposite. I had always been aware of my weight and as time went by I began to think I was too fat, although now looking back I was a complete rake. I was convinced I weighed much more than I actually did; clothes dropped off me as I was sure that I couldn't fit into the smaller size and I was always breathing in my actually flat stomach. I loathed shopping as it meant seeing how horrible I looked in clothes, I hated my photo being taken in case people laughed, and it didn't help I was always bullied from an early age.



I was horribly shy so I'd never stick up for myself, and I hated talking to new people because I was scared people would laugh at my teeth which were slightly crossed over. They would often call me names and try to intimidate me for a laugh and even when I went to the teachers nothing was ever done. They generally chipped what little confidence I had, and as I moved to another school I felt so shy I made no friends in any of my classes although I did manage to in the other classes. It wasn't long though until a group of bullies became interested in making our friendship groups' lives living hell. Alongside this I became to develop bad acne and was often told it was because I was dirty even though I washed everyday. I felt so disgusting and low. I was too ashamed to tell my parents, I felt that somehow what they said was true and I deserved it.



Things began to look up; I got some medication at the doctors for my spots and a private dentist agreed to fix my teeth (the NHS wouldn't as they weren't bad enough) and I joined a dancing class. It felt good to be taking steps forward to feel better about myself. Boys were finally starting to notice me and not just because they wanted to bully me. I was also doing good at school and I got on well with the teachers and they began to look out for me if people tried to bully me in the classroom. I made some good friends that introduced me to people outside of school and I finally felt like I belonged.


I would like to say that from then on life was great, but I made the mistake of going to a sixth form where everybody knew eachother from comprehensive as they had just continued on and I had moved schools. It was me, my friend, her boyfriend and his friend. I've never been anywhere quite like it, it was so cliqued. Additionally looks were everything and weight was a constant subject within the classroom. My friend was particularly affected by this as she was slightly overweight and the subject of food never seemed to leave the conversation. At the time, although I didn't know it, she having problems in her relationship with her boyfriend. He never wanted to have sex with her and she later told me she was convinced it was because of her weight. I needed little encouragement to be sucked into the topic as I felt so low and the thoughts of weight had always lingered in the back of my mind. Together we were always competing; Who'd eaten the least? Who went to the gym the most? Who did the most excersise? What were our ideals weights? Etc. Etc... I began limiting what I ate dramatically to a 23cal salad for dinner and then eating as little as possible on the night. I'd try to work out as much as I could and I'm ashamed to admit I began searching diet forums. I joined many 'Ana' sites - Anorexia websites aimed mostly at female teenagers. I made many online diet buddys and we'd constantly talk about our days of eating. We would text eachother if we felt we were going to binge and we'd even ring eachother up. I took photos of myself to carry around. I was disgusted I felt so fat and they acted as the push I needed. Added to this, my friend at school became increasingly difficult. She was annoyed I was losing weight and she wasn't. She'd go on about how I had everything so lucky; how I had a great boyfriend, how I was pretty and talented. Other times she'd make bitchy jokes about my clothes and the way I ate. Her boyfriend would often tease me jokingly, but she would take it to a new level until I was at breaking point. Eventually I was determined to leave school and go to college.

I can honestly say that college changed my life. It was such a friendly atmosphere, I made friends within the first week and I completely flourished. I became one of the loudest people in my history class, I made a big group of friends in English and I always had people to hang around with. When I told them I was bullied they couldn't believe it, and it felt good to know I wasn't a freak anymore. The teachers asked to talk to my parents as I was convinced that I was going to fail and they told them that I could easily get the highest grade possible. I was finally starting to believe in myself. I got a job and made good friends in my work station and I was amazed at how nice people could be if you put yourself out there. I finally felt good about myself and began to eat normally. My boyfriend particularly helped as he constantly told me I was beautiful and he encouraged me to eat more. He thought being too skinny was horrible and it was very refreshing to hear.

Gradually I got to a completely healthy weight. I feel confident to talk to new people and things that I would never dreamed of doing I can now do without a moments thought. Of course, I still have days where I feel ugly or fat, but now I understand everbody has bad days. I'd like to share with you one of the photos of my legs which I used in order to starve myself down to a low weight. I've picked my legs as this is where I store most of my weight by far (you would probably throw up if you seen my jutting hip bones and concave stomach in the other one anyway lol). This is very hard for me to do, so please if you're going to leave brutally harsh comments think twice as it has took alot of time to build myself up. When I look it now I'm amazed I thought I was overweight and this could put me off eating for days. Sorry it's the wrong way round, me and computers hmmm haha. I'd just like everybody out there who is conscious of your weight to know that as long as your healthy that's all that matters. Thinning myself down just made me grumpy and it was never enough. I looked terrible and it didn't make me one bit happier... I dont think it would make you any happier either.

Title for a blog...

I'm more than aware how utterly boring my title is. I can't think of anything though that really explains me in a blog. So far I've mostly just babbled about makeup, but I don't want to limit myself like that as I plan to write about alot of stuff over time. Ideas anyone??

You ARE a sexy women! ...And don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

Unlike alot of media showing the 'apparent' world of women, we're more than aware that not everyone is a six foot five, size zero model with flawless skin juggling a wild life of parties, job fulfillment, relationship success, fantastic friendships and sporting the top fashions. Contrary to the perfection the media expects us to reach for, the truth is we can only be the best we personally can be, and this will differ for everyone.It about time we started loving ourselves! I'm not saying go crazy, burn all your makeup, clothes and hair appliances and start growing your armpit hair, but that as long as you're healthy and make the most of what you have to work with, you shouldn't let anyone elses preconceptions hold you back. Women range vastly; the most common shape for a woman is in fact a pear shape (storing most weight on your legs and bum, and little on boobs, arms and stomachs), but strangely enough we are expected to be skinny everywhere and have massive breasts! Who has cellulite? Who has stretch marks covering their bums? 90% of women do, (dont go leafing through your magazines to see if this is true as most of the photos are airbrushed to within an inch of their lives), and you shouldn't feel bad because of this.

I bet everyone reading this can relate to the images of these celebrity women looking worse for wear. I look like that every morning, and I can't count the amount of unglamourous photos of me, but thankfully I have more discretion than these women are given. So if they can look as good as the images on the right after some makeup and photoshop we all can. They will look at those photos and wish they looked like that, never mind us!

Check this out:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iYhCn0jf46U

I think that summed up everything to be honest.

Scrimping n' Saving

I'm sure alot of you are suffering the financial strains of the economical crisis at the moment...I've been working hard to save my pennies! I think that it's paying off :) Some of the things I've been doing is turning off all the plugs, wearing extra coats rather than turning on the heating and other such boring solutions. But more interestingly is my more creative list hehe:

* Using one tea bag between 3 cups... We drink alot of tea ok! Haha

* Charity shopping for clothes. I've picked up tons but it takes alot of dedication and trawling through a load of crap. I think it pays off more though because it's sooo much cheaper and I've been getting decent brands (River Island, Warehouse) and the stuff is in excellent condition. I feel nice too because it's for a good cause and I'm getting a total bargain so it's a win-win situation!

* Ebay. I've bought a ton of presents and clothes on here (I know.. Clearly a shopping addiction haha). I've noticed that if I look at stuff that's got the photo the wrong way round it seems noone can be bothered to save it to the computer and turn it the right way other than me who clearly has more dedication (or is that time....) and I got some fab stuff. This has included a River Island dress with the most gorgeous embroidery ever for...£3.50!!!!!! Oh my lord.

* Getting my hair done my family/friends. I pay for the dye which was a fiver rather than the usual £40 and then they do my hair and I do them a favour like make their dinner, or help them use the computer. If you dont have a friend or family member who's a hairdresser (My Mum is convienently one) befriend one now!

* whatsmineisyours.com This is a FAB site! I bet everybody reading this has stuff in their house they never use, like clothes, unwanted xmas pressies etc. If you take a photo and write a description (all for free!) then you can swap your items for stuff you'd want on this site. It feels like getting a present through the door, is a great way to declutter and it means you're getting something good in return yay! Here's what I got in return for a key chain:

The person I swapped with loved what they got, and I love love love this purse and bracelet!

*Sales - make a vow to yourself now you will never ever buy full price again. If you want a cardigan, then check round all the cheaper places you wouldn't normally consider, and you'll be amazed at what you can find in the sales. Also, if you're buying stuff like electrical goods shops are very varied in price! Including a search on the internet can bring up stuff so much cheaper too like play.com and Ebay.

*All in the packaging... If you buy gifts for people, especially things like earrings and put them in a nice box rather than just giving them in the high-street packet they come in it can make it look like you paid alot more than you actually did, which is always good!

*Sharing a bath with your other half...What an excuse!!

*Checking out your local area for free things that are happening. I lately went on an eleven mile walk with my family and had a great time getting out there and spending some quality time together. Some of the things happening where I live were the boxing day dip (running into the sea on Boxing day for charity...ouch!), live bands etc. - I'm sure you'll find stuff just as good too!

*Look through the newspaper for special deals for eating out. They can save a small fortune which can be used towards something else. And food always tastes nicer when you know it's on a special deal ;) hehe.

These are only a few that I can think of at the moment haha. Let me know what you do to save money! Would love to hear it and get some ideas!

My new makeup '120 Pro Palette' from Ebay!!

Hiya everybody! Thanks for checking out this blog, hope you enjoy reading it :). Or at least get a laugh out of my misfortunes that will no doubt come up haha.

This blogs going to be mostly about my attempts to use my new makeup '120 pro-palette' from Ebay (the only place I've seen it as it needs to be imported from Hong Kong):










Yayyy! I was a bit worried as some people receive palettes with some of the colours kind of crushed off all the shipping, but mine was in perfect condition. As you can tell from this photo though I've already managed to smash one! They're really good because they're soooo pigmented and each of the colours I'd say was about the size of a 2p piece. Mine cost £10.50 altogether including postage and packaging and I would say it was well worth it for the money!




Anyhoo, lately I've been just sort of experimenting with the colours such as trying this look (yep had to fling a bit of Lauren Luke in there I just love her tutorials!):




http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=AXXTcfOrqT0

I know, it's crazy isn't it? I wore it out clubbing and I got so many compliments. Lately though I've been thinking about what colours would actually suit me as I have very pale skin and blue eyes when I came across this statement on the net:

"..Obviously blue on blue eyes wouldn't work and we don't need to tell you that matching your makeup to your outfit is so '80s - imagine the horror if you were wearing black and red.."

Yep you guessed it, I had matched my eyes to my outfit for that day... AND I was wearing black and red. The shame....



They suggested this though:




Apparently you're supposed to find your eye colour and then use all the opposite colours to make your eyes stand out. I'd say my eyes were most like the 'powder blue' colour, but what does that mean in reference to this chart?? That I should use the mint/salmon/lemon/pink or the really extreme opposite of my eye colour like the dark ones at the end like maroon? Ahhh I think I shall stick to matching colours to my outfit, I think it will be easier for the makeup challenged like myself haha :(. If anybody finds a good guide on the internet, or has any advice then please let me know!

(Edit: For more updates on the pro palette and to see the rest of my blog, go to

www.emma-90.blogspot.com )