Car booty

Guess how much I weigh today?!

........ 9st 2! Oh yes. I know some of you reading this would be like 'Love, that's a fat day for me', but considering I've weighed 9st 8 for the past year I'm super super chuffed :). Hopefully I'll get down into the 8st region so I can honestly say 'yep I'm 8st something', even if this something will be 8st 13 ;) hehe.

So anyway, I went shopping today at the car boot sale. I <3>

And also this dress for £1.50

Great bargains! ;)

Lately I've been thinking about all the friendships that have gotten a bit sour, mainly with Kat and Becca. I'll talk about that later though because it's 11pm and I'm so tired atm!

Stuck in a rut

Weight is an issue which has been affecting me alot lately. No matter how hard I try I'm failing on a daily basis in my attempt to shed some poundage and it's becoming to annoying. I've managed to keep to the excersise, but as soon as it gets to about 6pm all my "stick to 1200 calories" promises crash and I can't resist temptation. I feel so frustrated and annoyed; it's as simple as just not eating extra but I feel so hungry all the time and have constant cravings.

This might be down to my food choices, I keep thinking "Oh these chips, 144 calories for ten chips that's fine" but of course that wont fill me up and I end up giving up and going for the bulk. I feel totally out of my depth, sickened by my expanding belly and general inability to stay controlled. I feel like throwing up right now I'm getting so fed up, but I know that's a slippy slope to how I was before. I don't want to obsess about my weight like I did, but I'm getting more and more desperate for something that will work for me. I used to run a very successful (and still going strong even though I haven't used it for years) weight loss forum which was aimed at girls like myself who were at a healthy weight, but just wanted to be that little bit skinnier. I know that's just one click away, just to kick myself off again. I also know I'll become obsessive and start taking it to extremes, easily influenced. Argh. I'm swamped by images of girls so thin and seem to be constantly eating out, they make it look so easy.

It doesn't help that everytime I opt for a healthy option I get screamed at by my Mam for costing the household money. For example, I ate my meal downstairs for a change (I usually eat in my room for this very reason) and I had used a handful of brown rice, half a pepper and half a tin of tuna. Keeping in mind, noone in my house likes brown rice and the pepper was ready to throw out as it was nearly rotted through. I was really excited as the whole meal was low in calories and super healthy but my Mam immediately started staring me out. I hate it when people stare when I'm eating and my Mam is fully aware of the problems I have with self image and my unhealthy starving in the past, but she seems to thrive on manipulating it. She especially loves that I've put on so much weight so she can make jibes. Straight off, she started ranting at me about how I eat everything and my Dad had wanted to say something since I kept on eating all the eggs (they're 80 cals so I love them), and how I should contribute and pay for my own food, etc etc, on and on until I just couldn't help but cry and left my food nearly untouched. I stayed in my room all day where my Mam shouted through I was being a total baby and couldn't control myself. I didn't eat for the rest of the day scared Mam would start commenting again. She's been away for the weekend with my Dad so since then in an almost rebellious way I've been eating whatever. Fuck it, she's not here to watch and mock me.

I have such an unsteady relationship with food. When I try to think back, I guess it's a mixture of shyness as a child which turned to criticising myself as I got bullied and then turning this on my eating habits as I started to get criticised for that. My Mam used to make me sit at the table and force me to eat whatever she had made, not letting me leave until I ate it all. If I didn't, I stayed at the table for hours crying until I was eventually allowed to go which was the most often option. I hated the dishes she made, I loathe pasta but her meals were always spag bol or past and mince so I didn't want to force myself to eat something I really didn't like.

"I don't understand why you can't just have a sandwich like everyone else, instead of eating us out of house and home. Your so selfish, we've wanted to say something for weeks. Your so greedy. Why don't you pay for it?" is the general argument spat at me in the most accusing and disgusted voice ever, especially recently. I would love to turn round and punch her straight in her obnoxious face in an imaginary world. Hmmm maybe I don't want to eat a sandwich because we only have white bread, which is unhealthy and that I hate the taste of and 127 calories a slice (!), we only have red meat or cheese which are both high cal and generally sandwiches don't actually fill me. I feel so hurt she uses food against me.

I don't know how to control anything from my relationships with people to food. I'm so annoyed that she's uses my insecurities so grossly and making me totally swing out of control with my weight. I have no idea where to go from here.

Spice up your life!

Sorry for the Spice Girls lyrics for the title hehe. It's hard to stop myself sometimes ;).

Anyhoo, to spice up my blog I'm starting a new section that you can see on the left hand side of my blog called 'Challenge me'. You can literally ask me anything or challenge me to do anything, and I'll email you back a link to a new blog with the experience. Please drop me by an email - dont be shy! My emails e_burnt.toast@yahoo.com . Even if you just want to leave a comment or a suggestion you can use that email. Basically I just want to hear from you guys! If you give me a rather large challenge I'll add it to my challenge list on this link here:

http://www.my50.com/yourlistro.php?list=3b7a7e29d019f5bd

If you're feeling really brave, let me know if you fancy starting a 'Challenge me' or 'Ask me anything' blogging section.
Love <>

Would you like a cup of tea, love?

When I write down blogs I try and be as frank as I would be talking to my best friends, and talk about the same stuff that would crop up. Sometimes this might offend people and I'm really not trying to do that, it's just that I think it's nice to have complete honesty. Alot of blogs that I read (and really enjoy) only include a certain part of their life, for example their feelings/fashion outfits/make up reviews etc which is great as you know what you're getting, but I'm always left wondering hmmmm I wonder how they feel about this subject or that.

It's for posts like this that I'm choosing to stay anonymous....... Today I'm going to talk about anal sex. Now this really is not my cup of tea. When I'm in the mood for a bit of sexy time I don't think "go on then love put it in my bum". At the same time I like to try and keep an open mind in every aspect of my life (which is why I'm attending a party which takes place as a soft play area for my friends 19th birthday, and why the next day we're going out in Sunderland under the 'Snog/Marry/Avoid' theme.... cringe haha). So yes I agree to try it. Once. Something to tell the grandkids, eh? Or not.

Well let me tell you, I was influenced into doing it by lovely Steven who is attempting to rationalise the illogical (to me it seemed anyway) and he finally managed to talk me into it. I can only say that it's like if someone inside your digestive system decided you were going to shit out some crisps alongside your normal number, that's what it would have felt like.

Case over.

..................................................................................................

On another note, I'm on day two of Nicky Hambleton-Jones 'Ten Years Younger' plan, so today I get to treat myself to a magazine in return for excercise, and write a list about my likes about myself and fives things I want to change.

Five things I like
* Good skin
* Manageable hair
* My lips
* Body shape
* Determination

Five things I could improve
* Confidence with new people and situations
* Ablility to stick to healthy eating and excercise
* Body confidence
* Not being intimidated
* Being tidier

Burnt Toast on the 120 Pro-palette!

I've had the pro-palette since before christmas now so I thought I'd do a proper review on it :).

Cost: 7/10. You can pick these up off Ebay for £10 inc p+p. Search around using key words until you get a good deal and remember to check user ratings. I personally paid £15 but that's when everyone was after these bad boys. Alot cheaper than other brands and good quality.

Packaging: 9/10. Mine arrived in perfect condition after about a 3 week wait as it arrived from Hong Kong. I've heard of a few people who have had perhaps one or two of the colours a bit broken but this is to be expected in the post and I'd say is unlikely if they're packaged correctly.

Colour range: 7/10. The colours are varying and very beautiful on. They're very high intensity; I would not recommend most of the colours for day use as you would look a bit like a drag queen, but they're fab for a night out! I use the burgandy, whites, browns and creams for everyday use, and use the other colours for a night out. They're perfect for the party scene more than anything and look amazing to make your eyes really stand out.

Durability: 6/10. They last a long time, but if you start rubbing your eyes then it will end up smudged down your face - so keep those mitts away and they should stay put for the whole day or night!

Mark out of 10 overall: 8/10. Perhaps more natural colours could have been put in, but the overall cost and amazing range of colours for partying greatly outweighs this setback!

Love <3

SPECIAL OFFER FOR NAILS INC!

Because I love everyone who reads my blog so much (especially my subscribers that have supported me from the beginning - thanks so much!), I'm going to share a special offer with you. I'm sure you've heard of Nails inc, it has lovely but very expensive nail varnishes that are at least £10.50 and £2.99 per one sent to you. How would you like them for....

£1!

Yep, £1 inc. p+p. Just click here. Pick whatever colour you want and enter this code: FABNA0709

This will let you have it for just a £1! It's one per household so you can get them sent to everyone's house you know if you want more than one colour ;). This was in my magazine which I bought at the weekend, and it's only valid until Tuesday so get typing before they sell out completely!

I've ordered one to my house, my boyfriends, my Nana's and I'm going to use my friends address too. So I'll be saving like £45 - how great?

Loves <3>

Making the most of your appearance: Skin

Skin is the largest organ your body has and clear skin is one of the most important attributes that allow us to be considered attractive, so keep these basics in mind.

Face MasksYou should treat your skin to a face mask every week for your skin type.
Your skin will be one of these types - it's important that you do use the right products as they can have the opposite effect to what you hoped for if they are wrong for your skin type.



Dry Skin
Skin feels tight and dryNo oily t-zoneSkin shows signs of photoageing- wrinklesSkin may feel flaky or roughSkin tends to be thin and appears dull



Normal/Dry Skin
Cheeks are dry and skin sometimes feels tightMinimal oily t-zone, usually on nose onlySkin gets dehydratedSmall blackheads are visible on nose & chin



Normal/Oily Skin
Cheeks may be oily or dryT-zone gets oily by the end of the daySkin is dehydrated with some dead skin build upSmall blackheads in t-zoneOccasional breakouts


Oily Skin
Cheeks or face are oily with open poresT-zone gets oily within hours after cleansingBumps under the surface of the skin with dead skin build upVisible blackheadsFrequent breakoutsSkin tends to be thicker


Acne/Problem Skin
Face is oily soon after cleansing Could be a mature skin that was once oilyVisible blackheads, whiteheads and open poresThere may be inflammatory lesions and scarringProblems may also occur on the neck, back or chest Skin may get red

Sensitive
Has trouble with environmental factorsSkin reacts to sun, temperature extremes, cosmetics, perfumes etcMay experience rashes, burning sensations and be easily irritatedHas permanent diffused redness particularly on nose, chin & cheeksSkin tends to be thin and may scar easilyShows signs of ageingCan be congested




Moisture


Keep your full body in great condition by using an exfoliator and moisturising afterwards to keep moisture locked in. Remember to cleanse your skin on your face every night too by carefully removing all traces of make up, then applying a toner and finally a night time moisturiser to wake up with great skin on your face and body.

Sun kissed

Bronzer is great for the summer to give a fresh dewy look. Make sure to not go over board and only apply it to the parts of the face that would catch the sun; the bridge of the nose, the forehead, chin and cheeks.

Fake it

Darkened skin by the sun looks very glamorous and flattering, making you appear slimmer. Using sun beds is not only unhealthy but makes your skin look like leather. 80% of wrinkles are caused by UV rays, so exposing yourself will cause alot of damage. The answer? Fake tan.

Ask around for what works for other peoples skin tones closest to yours to avoid purchasing a streaky tan. Many swear by Johnsons, but even the light one leaves streaks on me. My Mam who has a darker skin tone than me loves Nivea, it just depends! Set time, maybe once a week (unless you're using a gradual tanner) to fully moisturise then apply a tan.

Making the most of your appearance: Grooming

Hair might be natural, but we've been conditioned to expect a certain level or self preservation from society.

We all have days where we can't be bothered for the pain of eyebrow waxing and plucking, we think our legs are in jeans so what's the point of shaving, or our armpits won't be on show so we'll leave them for a few days. So, so tempting. What you wont realise is that your jeans rise as you sit or cross your legs, your top might move slightly to reveal that armpit - and in one go you've just shown everyone a flash of your ungroomed bits. Noone wants to see straggly hair and it screams 'I can't be bothered to make an effort!' so don't give it the chance to rear it's head.

Eyebrows

Eyebrows help to give structure and to frame your face. Go to a professional and ask them to wax them into a suitable shape, then upkeep them at a home with some good quality tweezers which will work out alot cheaper in the long run.

Armpits and legs

Wax or shave these - shaving is easiest and cheapest, but waxing last alot longer and gives a nicer finish. Remember to moisturise afterwards! I personally choose to shave, but my sister waxes and it really does last for weeks, unlike the effect with shaving.

The bikini line

The same theory as getting knocked down by the bus - you never know what might happen and who with. Imagine the shame of a sexual encounter where you get to your knickers and realise your hair is making a bid for escape around your crotch. Whatever you prefer, from all off to au natural - make sure that your pubes are at least trimmed and that you have totally removed the hair outside the knicker line by shaving or waxing.

Making the most of your appearance: Hair

I honestly believe that anyone can be attractive without the need for surgery. Humans are programmed to find certain attributes appealing because our instinct is to carry on the human race through sex. I'm not saying you'll look like a supermodel with effort, but you'll still look great and attract the right kind of attention. Everyone has parts of them that are unique and quirky and you can work with them. It's extremely harsh and shallow to say, but it's true most (if not all) people judge you on appearance, and I think it's more about the effort you put into yourself than anything else. If you make an effort with yourself, others will think you're worth the effort too.

Here's a guide on how you can make the most of your appearance. This is just a guide; everyone is different and two people who are both very attractive will be polar opposites. You have to stay true to yourself - confidence is after all the most sexiest thing about a person.

In this post I'm going to concentrate on hair, I'll write and post the other sections later on.

Hair

Looking after your hair

Scientifically, we are drawn towards thick healthy hair, and with so many options this is easy to imitate. Make sure that you deep condition your hair ideally once a week, and keep it in good condition by using heat protectant when drying and styling. Consider a daily protectant to prevent sun exposure, weather damage and fumes which can ruin the texture and natural oils in hair.



What hairstyle is right for me?










Find a few hairstyles you like the look of and go to a reputable hairdressers to discuss how they could work for your hair type and face shape. Try and find looks that would suit your hair type, the amount of time you'd be willing to spend styling your hair and your budget for upkeep. There's no point picking a hairstyle that would take 30mins if you are only prepared to spend 5mins in the morning, or picking an amazing hairstyle that would need regular dyes and cuts to keep it intact if you're on a very limited budget.

I'd say go to a reputable hairdressers at first and splash out, then upkeep your look with a cheaper hairdresser. If you fancy a change, consider small changes, only changing your hair on a massive scale with a hairdresser you trust completely.


General advice for hair and upkeep







Strictly speaking, highlights on your natural colour (for example, if you have light brown hair go for dark blonde highlights, ginger then consider vibrant red etc) and soft layers are the most flattering to nearly every single face shape and hair type. A solid hair colour can look tacky and hair is one of the first things people notice so it's well worth the extra money for a professional dye. I only go to the hair dressers for highlights every six months as I'm a student, and in the mean time I touch up my roots every 2 months and get my Mam (who's a hairdresser) to trim the ends to keep them in good condition. If you don't have a hairdresser on tap, then in the meantime go to a very cheap hairdresser and just ask for a trim which is very difficult to get wrong and can make you feel a million dollars.


Daily effort



Hair is so important, so don't leave it for days on end to get disgusting and greasy, people will notice. If you're completely stretched for time and can't possibly wash it, invest in some cute hats to hide those roots. If you dry your hair with a hairdryer rather than leaving it to dry naturally you will also have more control over the finished style. Otherwise you might end up with a slanty and uncontrollable 'do which has dryed strangely overnight from the way you've been lying on it.



Where to get basic hair style ideas and find out the basic tools you need for your hair...


(A photo from the Youtube channel 'Itsjudytime')


Check out youtube tutorials for hairstyles you can try out in ways which are easy to follow. I particularly like the channel 'Itsjudytime' as she's so friendly and explains in a way which is easy to follow. Also buy fashionable hair bands and clips to update your look so you appear that you have made an obvious effort to look presentable. Invest in simple styling products - heat protectant, styling spray and hairspray are total essentials. The right tools are also a must; at least a straightening iron, hair dryer, hot air brush, a teasing comb and a normal brush. You may think what is the point of so much effort, but believe me people always notice your hair and the effort you've made even if they don't comment - I personally always notice hair and find those who make an effort instantly look more glamorous.


My own daily hair regime:
I'm not blowing my own trumpet (ok I am a little....) but I often get complimented on my hair as being thick and in really good condition. My hair used to be totally unmanageable and I had MANY cringworthy days. Thankfully I've learnt to work with my hair and I rarely ever have a bad hair day.......


1) I wash my hair every day as it becomes so greasy otherwise. This isn't essential for every hair type so consider your own hair. I wash it twice with shampoo and then rub conditioner on the ends which I leave on for a good five minutes before washing off.

2) It's bad for your hair to apply heat when it's soaking wet (wait until it's only damp) so I towel dry it. I pat the wet out my hair rather than rub as my hair would break.

3) When it's nearly dry, I apply a heat protectant spray all over my hair and comb it through, and use the hair dryer on the lowest heat to cause the least damage. To make my hair look thicker and to create volume I dry it upside down. Also when I turn off the hair dryer and the heat is still in my hair I remain with my head upside down. This is because your hair remains in the position it's cooled in, so it would end up flat against my head if I let it dry in that position, but it falls nicely volumnised at the roots against my head if I wait with my hair upside down.


4) I use styling spray for any flyaways and as well as this I use it to comb through my hair to make it more manageable. If any of my hair is at a weird angle I usually apply heat protectant spray on that section before I get out the straighteners.


5) If I want a really glamourous look, I section off my hair as if I was going to do a half do. I then put in my extentions (£15 from Extras) and clip them down. I let down the top of my hair which covers the clips from my extentions and then I use my fingers to comb through my hair and extentions so they don't break. I then add a fashionable headband or clip to show an obvious effort.

I get my hair highlighted with two different shades of blonde to keep my hair slightly natural, as one tone can look brassy and cheap. My hair is kept layered to create bounce and volume.


Love <3

Blog Lovin

I recently signed up for Bloglovin.com but to be honest I don't really understand what I'm doing.... But if you want to add me anyway ;). I'll keep with it for a while in the hope that it starts to make sense :p

Loves <3

Shoe Splurge

Today I went to Newcastle to hand in my project which is thankfully completed fully now. Laura (my new friend from the summer school) met up with me to hand in the project and waited after as Ashley was typically late. It was a bit awkward with Laura but it was ok; I think I would still hang out with her as she seems like a nice girl. Then it was on to SHOPPING though :D. Everywhere had sales on, it was amazing! I got a £2 hair band from River Island which is super super cute, I'll upload a photo later. I also got these:::

They're quite hard to walk in but for £15 down from £35 I'm willing to brave it ;). I also got these:

These bad boys aren't the exact ones, they're the exact same shape but mine are snakeskin red and black. That sounds so trashy but they're amazing! It was really good to see Ashley and we also found a great coffee shop where you get massive mugs of hot chocolate with whipped cream, a flake and sprinkles for £2.25

ALSO.....................

IT'S MY FIFTIETH BLOG!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOO

I'm now at Stevens (again!) so I best be off and give him some love and attention.

Burnt Toast

I've decided to go for the name 'Burnt Toast' for my blog. 'Life lessons and cheesecake' is just too cheesy and lighthearted for a girl like me.



I know - I'm just not the girl you thought I was..... ;) haha.



Burnt Toast I think is pretty fitting. No matter how hard you try, things can go wrong. But I actually love burnt toast, so sometimes its for the best.

Thanks to everybody who reads this by the way:) it really makes my day! x

My new makeup '120 Pro Palette' from Ebay!!

Hiya everybody! Thanks for checking out this blog, hope you enjoy reading it :). Or at least get a laugh out of my misfortunes that will no doubt come up haha.

This blogs going to be mostly about my attempts to use my new makeup '120 pro-palette' from Ebay (the only place I've seen it as it needs to be imported from Hong Kong):










Yayyy! I was a bit worried as some people receive palettes with some of the colours kind of crushed off all the shipping, but mine was in perfect condition. As you can tell from this photo though I've already managed to smash one! They're really good because they're soooo pigmented and each of the colours I'd say was about the size of a 2p piece. Mine cost £10.50 altogether including postage and packaging and I would say it was well worth it for the money!




Anyhoo, lately I've been just sort of experimenting with the colours such as trying this look (yep had to fling a bit of Lauren Luke in there I just love her tutorials!):




http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=AXXTcfOrqT0

I know, it's crazy isn't it? I wore it out clubbing and I got so many compliments. Lately though I've been thinking about what colours would actually suit me as I have very pale skin and blue eyes when I came across this statement on the net:

"..Obviously blue on blue eyes wouldn't work and we don't need to tell you that matching your makeup to your outfit is so '80s - imagine the horror if you were wearing black and red.."

Yep you guessed it, I had matched my eyes to my outfit for that day... AND I was wearing black and red. The shame....



They suggested this though:




Apparently you're supposed to find your eye colour and then use all the opposite colours to make your eyes stand out. I'd say my eyes were most like the 'powder blue' colour, but what does that mean in reference to this chart?? That I should use the mint/salmon/lemon/pink or the really extreme opposite of my eye colour like the dark ones at the end like maroon? Ahhh I think I shall stick to matching colours to my outfit, I think it will be easier for the makeup challenged like myself haha :(. If anybody finds a good guide on the internet, or has any advice then please let me know!

(Edit: For more updates on the pro palette and to see the rest of my blog, go to

www.emma-90.blogspot.com )