Falling at the last hurdle

Aaaah I'm incapable of keeping weight off for long :(. Feel really fat and shitty about myself again, but if I've lost weight once I can lose it again so I'll just have to stop eating my weight in cake which might help a bit ;). Every outing with my friends revolves around food and/or drinking, but I think I'm going to start asking if they want to come out during the day instead maybe for beach outings and whatever so I can be torn away from temptation.

Yesterday it was my friends leaving do as she's going away to Uni in Sheffield, but some of her other friends were there and it was a little awkward. At least I put in an appearance though which is the main thing. I've finally sorted University as well which is making the holidays alot less stressful although I'm quite worried about Steven's birthday and forking out money :(. I also can't afford my bus pass yet so I'm having to get the really expensive day tickets urgh. On the bright side I have a trial run for a restaurant on Saturday so I will let you know how it goes :).

1

Ugh I just feel so disgusting at the moment. As you guys know I've been dieting and have got my weight down to 9st2 but I'm just eating like such a pig I'm bound to put weight on soon again.

The day started out really well; I had a tin of sweetcorn (200 cals) and then for tea I had 2 slices of eggy bread (500 cals), then took my dog for a walk to make sure I was burning a bit of fat. Then, I had some disgusting binge and ate a bowl of rice pudding, pineapple and custard. Fuck it. I helped myself to two toasted bacon cheese sandwiches. I'm such a failure and I feel so gross. The tiny little thought to just throw it up crossed my mind but I can't stand the idea. I'm hoping to death that I can survive a fast tomorrow which I've never done.

Wish me luck