Happy as Larry

Ugh I just feel so ill and run down. Jimmy (my reoccuring spot on my chin which tells me to kill people) has now got at least 5 cronies. Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh.





THINGS STRESSING ME :

(Sorry to start with the bad, but if I list the good things last I will remember them more ;) heh)

* My shitty ass friends. I'm not perfect AT ALL. Nuh-uh. BUT I do not be in a huff for somebody for weeks with no explanation, then leave them snipey comments, but snap out of it one day and act like nothing ever happened. I don't leave them waiting holding my birthday present for 35 minutes and do not even say sorry. I dont keep on walking off in nightclubs because I don't really care if they're there or not, and exchange about 5 words with them all night. I don't cancel on them and become unreachable. I don't have a go at friends because I'm feeling down about myself.

If this was all the same person I'd shit them out like a bad takeaway. Unfortunately this is talking about 4 different people, and I'm not going to even deny I'd rather have shoddy friends than no friends.




* Uni. Firstly, which mofo invented "study groups". For those who have not experienced this delight, the class is split into groups and we are expected to meet up in our own time. Expect nobody to return emails/texts/ or to bother turning up. Basically just pertend you are that poo that wont flush down, it's just THERE to remind you.



* Driving: that's it, I'm going automatic.



* Editing videos: They wont publish on my computer and they crash up on my laptop. Lose/lose. :(



* Parents arguing about sex issues. Yet again.



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THINGS TO BE HAPPY ABOUT:

* My room is finally tidy! I have space!!!! Yayy

* I love Steven :) he's one of the best things in my life right now.

* I have a very supporting and caring family.

* I have maintained my weight at 9st 2

* I'm starting to at least settle into Uni

* I'm improving at driving, and I at least have the money to learn to drive.

* I dont believe Mam and Dad would ever split up. If they did the little child in me would be very apparent :(

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CONSTRUCTIVE WAYS TO GET IT SORTED:
* Have a week with no contact from said shoddy friends, before I do anything rash.
* Do not go out for nights out with those who are only interested in replicating sex on the dance floor.
* From now on if a friend is being funny, just swallow it up and dont worry. It's her problem not mine.
* Arrange a study group, if nobody turns up, fuck them. Just write the notes privately.
* Start making vids 71/2 mins long, or change to a photo blog.
* Talk to both parents and try fix things a little.

LOVElove<3

Things can only get better

Sorry I've been a really bad blogger recently and haven't updated for ages! Everything has just been so hectic recently it's been hard to get the essentials done nevermind anything else. First of all my shitty job at Momos is finally over since he hasn't given me anymore shifts. To be honest he was a moody shit so really I'm glad that I don't have to see him again. Also I've just started Uni and I feel so lost.... This might be the best Uni in the region but I feel so out of place and like I'm just going from one lecture to the next completely clueless. It's my first year and I'm already clueless!! This is when it's easy and you can take the piss which means it will inevitably only get worse :'(.

I've also just moved rooms to the larger room upstairs which has taken alot of work but it's alot better for the size so I'm happy at least about that :). Things have been bad with the boyfriend again: I'm really worried for him. He's going through a really bad time and I don't think he's fully over his Mam's death. Also he's been arguing with his brother and Dad alot so those two things together are really messing him up. Even little things like missing the bus, and my Youtube vids messing up after spending hours editing them are really getting me down. I want to run and hide into the little envelope of A levels again....

I've had two driving lessons which has just added to my overall general feeling of stress. I nearly crashed the car twice haha :').

Things can only get better?

Falling at the last hurdle

Aaaah I'm incapable of keeping weight off for long :(. Feel really fat and shitty about myself again, but if I've lost weight once I can lose it again so I'll just have to stop eating my weight in cake which might help a bit ;). Every outing with my friends revolves around food and/or drinking, but I think I'm going to start asking if they want to come out during the day instead maybe for beach outings and whatever so I can be torn away from temptation.

Yesterday it was my friends leaving do as she's going away to Uni in Sheffield, but some of her other friends were there and it was a little awkward. At least I put in an appearance though which is the main thing. I've finally sorted University as well which is making the holidays alot less stressful although I'm quite worried about Steven's birthday and forking out money :(. I also can't afford my bus pass yet so I'm having to get the really expensive day tickets urgh. On the bright side I have a trial run for a restaurant on Saturday so I will let you know how it goes :).