A broken heart...

I received a call at 10pm whilst lying in bed with my boyfriend the other night. The only people who ever ring is family so I expected it was my Mam asking me a question about the internet, or wondering where I was. It was Jo, so I knew something was wrong as all of my friends are allergic to speaking on the phone (texts are a life saver haha). There was a silence and then a massive sob, "Stephens cheated on me!"

To be honest, I always got a bad vibe off him, he's always seemed a bit weird. You know when you just get a bad feeling? Early into the relationship they split up so he started saying that he was only using her for sex and she meant nothing. She ended up crying hysterically in college only to be going back out with him a week later. He used to be an alcoholic and drug addict, so he's supposed to stay away from all that shit, but he never does. It's hard for people to keep to moderation in those situations anyway so they usually say not to touch it, not that it's ever stopped him. Anyway, this time he cheated on her and didn't have the balls to even tell her - she had to find out from a mutual friend. She's gutted as you would be after dating eachother for a year. I don't know what to do or say though, other than comforting and cliqued stuff. I feel like I should help her feel better in some way, but I know it'll just take time...

The Trivial

Don't worry- I haven't came over with a weird form of tourettes which is making me write numerous blogs. I just wanted to make a blog on the absolute trivia of my life haha, so here's a completely pointless blog on what I've been up to lately.

My studying as usual has been ok, nothing special although I've missed a few lessons this week. I feel a bit guilty but I just couldn't be bothered. I made it into the Friday lesson for English much to the distaste of Alix - a friend of my English buddy Ashley. I don't know what it is but she has never liked me from day one. I tried being overly nice to her to compensate but she has always been very ignorant so eventually I just gave up. Apparently she does this with people all the time according to Ashley so I just talk to her when completely necessary. Anyway, Alix has a new boyfriend so she has recently been too busy dry humping him in the corridors to rush in to grab a seat next to Ashley as usual. This wouldn't be a problem but all the desks had been moved so that it turned out I was sitting next to Ashley and she was sitting on a table by herself. She was so pissed off when she came in she didn't talk for the full lesson and stormed off at the end. Ashley said she was sorry and she didn't realise the tables had been moved but Alix was having none of it. As I write this out I can't help but feel how childish it seems, but I really don't try to aggravate her.

Yesterday I went out to a bar where I nearly got drop kicked in the face with some men 'pole dancing'. Oh dear. It was nice to see everybody although Beth left early saying she was tired but to be honest she really didn't seem up for it. I got there late and Jo was already a little miffed that she had been trying to talk to Beth all night only to get luke warm responses. I had a good laugh with Jo and Roz where we decided we would go running together which I know will be absolutely hilarious as we're all so, so bad at it. Becca started getting annoyed as she wanted to go clubbing, but nobody could be assed or was dressed for it so I was brutally forced to dance in the bar with nobody else dancing. Jo eventually saved me with an amused smile printed on her face. Good times, good times.
Today I'm seeing the boyfriend and I have my full pit of a room to tidy so I'll write later :) x x x

You Are What You Eat

I've had a revelation! Well, sort of.

My normal weight without dieting etc. had always been 8 st 5 until I changed my contraceptive pill (for medical reasons) which made me a constant of 9st 3. I was a little bothered by it but lack of motivation etc. I ended up accepting it. Anyway, about three times a week at least I make a special effort to see one friend each (then usually do a group thing for the weekend) but because I'm on such a budget I've just been going to the same pizza place. I know, I know... Pizza is bad three times a week but at £3 it's all I could afford *shifty look*. Places like Nandos that sell stuff like chicken and salads usually work out to be £12 at least which is a distant dream for me haha. Before I knew it my weight had crept up to 9st 8 - I was gutted - because of my height of 5"2 this is basically making me borderline overweight. Just knowing that this is so much larger than what I should be made me feel so guilty. My former self a few years back would never ever have let me get like this. It's been two weeks and I've managed to get back down to 9st 3, but now I'm going to try go the full hog and back down to 8st5.

For inspiration I've bought the You Are What you Eat books but before I've always been put off by price of ingrediants and the thought they will taste like absolute crap and a waste of money. But in my new mindset I brutally forced myself to try them. They were amazing!!! I was so surprised something so healthy could taste so, so good. I made a Sweet Potatoe Soup for starters and for main I made chicken with coriander, spinach, ginger, garlic, mushroom and beansprouts. I was so surprised it's really inspired me to really try to eat like this all the time (so the plan goes for now...there's still a pizza in the fridge...). I've managed to stick to it so far today although it's before dinner time so I haven't really been tested just yet. I've already had porridge, I'm going to attempt poached eggs and spinach for dinner and for tea I might make the soup again so the ingrediants don't go to waste.

Wish me luck!

Giving Blood

Some of you may have noticed on the news this week a story headlining about the inadequacies of the NHS system regarding blood transfusion.

In this day and age, people have contracted such diseases as HIV because they have had infected blood transfused into them mostly from USA jails containing massive rates of disease. Why? Because it was cheaper. Somehow money always wins out to basic safety and I'm absolutely appalled such a thing could happen.

On this note, I've decided to donate blood, and I hope that others consider it too. I know many people who've given birth, had a nasty operation or for other reasons needed a transfusion, and I'm sure you do too. This could easily have been one of them.

<3

Hiya,
Todays blog is going to be about Valentines day so if you're on the verge of pushing the next happy couple you see down the stairs I suggest you stop reading!

I had a lovely Valentines day with my boyfriend, Steven, although I never expected to as I've been fighting alot with my parents lately and it was really getting me down. I was curling my hair, trying really hard not to cry and he just totally turned my mood around. He'd bought candles to make it seem romantic, ordered out a film, wrote some lovely things in my card, made me a prawn salad and lovely roast meal and we had strawberries to dip into chocolate afterwoulds. Everything was perfect and even though Valentines is so horribly commercialised it made me appreciate how lovely he really is. We also made his Dad a meal too as he's alone this Valentines (sadly his wife died of cancer a few years ago) and I'm really glad we did as it must be so shit for those who have broken hearts. It's so easy to get carried away in your own happiness to appreciate what others are going through.

My biggest worry at the moment is deciding what University to apply for. How miniscule is that in comparison? It's still stressing me out though. I got offers for every course and Uni that I applied to although I didn't think I would. I can't decide between the two; one I felt totally comfortable at, it's a good university and I liked the course (English and History Dual). The other Uni is by far more respectable, I'd be more likely to get a job but I'd have to do a summer course, take on an extra subject as they do their combined subjects in threes (English, History and Politics) and it didn't feel as comfortable. I'm fighting between sense and heart, I know I should give myself the best education, but I did that before with Sixth Form and I hated it. What to do? I'm hoping time will be on my side and make it a more clear decision.

My boyfriend has also decided to apply for University on a Building Surveying course as he was recently made redundant and it's proving literally impossible. He was one year shy of the full qualification of third year, but hopefully the second year will be enough to let him on. He has one university choice, one course, and I can't help but feel jealous of his clear cut decision. I wish I had a time machine to see in the future if I took one route to another, sort of sliding doors style. I've been so stressed I bought a beautiful purple dress (it was in a sale for £12! Yayy) to make me happy and I've been eating so much I've went from being underweight to the brink of overweight. I'm literally two pounds off! How on earth did this happen? I'm going to blame the implant I recently had (ok ok, maybe my cake eating) but I want to get it taken out anyway as it's giving me bad skin and I'm on my periods constantly which is proving difficult in relationship-wise. I'll let you know how that goes.

Oh yes, I got my first follower recently! Thanks so much I feel very happy and honoured, like I've won a good award it means so much to me, it really made my day.. I was thinking that I didn't want to scare them off, but had no idea of knowing what they liked didn't like. I was on somebodys blog and they actually had this ticky-box thing after every blog which said 'More of this' or 'Less of this'. How fab! Could anyone tell me where to find such a tool on blogging? x

:( The shame...

I'm going to share with you one of my most painfully cringeworthy moments to date... So be nice!

I'm currently spending the weekend at my boyfriends house as I'm not getting on so well with my parents at the moment. Everything was going well, I've been quiet enough not take over the house, I made his Dad a cup of tea, chatted to his brother. I was feeling pretty good...
UNTIL....
Well, I was wearing my nice comfy pink checked pj's and as I was taking them off to change into my jeans I spotted it. Not that it was hard to spot if you had any view of my backside whatsoever. I would use the word hole but that would be a complete understatement - it was the biggest massive right-across-my-ass-crack rip.
What happened?? Did I bend over and my ass got exciteable with my recent weight gain and tried a bid for escape.. but got stuck in the seams? The horrible, horrible shame.
I have clearly been showing my ass to everybody in the household in the most obvious clear way ever. My boyfriend found it hilarious when I had a freak out, but I'm sure a little part of me has died.
I think I'm going to wear fiver layers of pants from now - surely they can't all rip?

The Old Gang...

Because me and my sister are just that cool.

The snow has been a particular factor in my 'become a hermit plan'. It's ok going out with my boyfriend as I can just catapult into his car before I'm too cold, but since I'm too poor to take one driving lesson, nevermind run a car, and the buses are evil, I've been contemplating cancelling plans this week. But as some of you know one of my plans was to go to a meal with some old school friends including two girls, Beth and Cary, who hadn't been out for ages so I begrudingly went.

It was actually a good evening, everybody looked great, the food was great, the talking was great etc.

The only problem is, and please tell me I'm not the only one - does anyone else have friends that talk about their boyfriends as if they have golden poos?

My friend Cary I'm quite sure heavy breathes when the topic of her boyfriend drops into converation. Which is all the time - she is constantly chucking him in there for us to appreciate. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some bitter old cat lady who perves on the neighbours for a good time, I have a great relationship with my guy. I really do love him but unlike Cary I don't suddenly form tourettes which makes me swear out boyfriend topics, and I don't show photos of him in the bath, in his new clothes, kissing me, when he's at college etc and truly believe everyone is finding the conversation rivating. Also, she compared him to the blonde one off Superbad and Juno who I have loved forever and she has now crushed it. Noooo!

I might sound cruel, but I make a point of not talking about boyfriends too much as it really is a bit boring as all you can say is 'Awww' and 'That's nice' otherwise you sound nasty and bitter or too keen - like "Mmmmm he's so dreamy, yeah Cary I know what you mean..... Mmmm" which I doubt would go down so well haha.

I try to look interested at first, but soon I'm distracted looking at her perfectly formed hair, or the man who's chatting up a woman on the other table and I know she's is getting pissy about it. "Oi, Emmmmmaaaaa" she says over dramatically (everything is over dramatic about Cary, which is actually part of her appeal...Most of the time). Hallelujah! A topic change! I jump in "You're hair looks lovely" in the hope she is distracted, and because her hair really is nice and I want to find about how she did it. But alas, poor Yorick - "Reallllly, well I just threw it up, my boyfriend helped me" and it begins again.

Ok, maybe I am a bit of a cat lady. Don't worry about the neighbours though, I don't want to scar myself with the image of them......ergh. I have already heard them too many times through the wall.