1

Ugh I just feel so disgusting at the moment. As you guys know I've been dieting and have got my weight down to 9st2 but I'm just eating like such a pig I'm bound to put weight on soon again.

The day started out really well; I had a tin of sweetcorn (200 cals) and then for tea I had 2 slices of eggy bread (500 cals), then took my dog for a walk to make sure I was burning a bit of fat. Then, I had some disgusting binge and ate a bowl of rice pudding, pineapple and custard. Fuck it. I helped myself to two toasted bacon cheese sandwiches. I'm such a failure and I feel so gross. The tiny little thought to just throw it up crossed my mind but I can't stand the idea. I'm hoping to death that I can survive a fast tomorrow which I've never done.

Wish me luck

A2 results

Hiya guys :). I got my A/2 results the other week and got 2 Bs :) and a C. I was hoping to do better than that but I just missed out on As in both History and English by a few marks. I still got into Newcastle Uni so not really a point in resitting. Since I got into my first choice I get a £1500 scholarship as well yayyy :). I feel nervous a bit but I know I'll be fine after a few weeks.

At the moment I've been making a youtube channel to do makeup on. I'm having a bit of a problem setting up my camera at the moment but hopefully it'll be up and running by tomorrow! I've just became so interested in makeup recently. I've always loved it but especially lately I've been so much more aware of trends, fashions and the types of different products available. I've officially been dragged in ;).

Inevitably there has been drama in the meantime since I last updated. Sean (who dumped his girlfriend of a year and a half for my friend Ashley) is now back with Natalie. Ashley is going off it despite that they've only been on one proper date and only kissed. Shes being really harsh to Natalie saying she's a fat monster he's only taking pity on which is very harsh as it's not really Natalie's fault... She's literally telling everyone who'll listen and writing it all over facebook about how Natalie should watch her back as she'll cheat and how pathetic Sean is. I do feel bad for Ashley as she got all her hopes up and Sean has been a total love rat, but I feel like most of the anger should be directed at him more than anything... Hopefully it'll blow over.

That's it for now kids :)
<3

Autumn/Winter Fashion 2009, Nails and Makeup

Whats in this fall? Here's the low down on whats 'in' at the top end sector of the fashion industry.....enjoy!


NAILS


The colours of the AW collections are dominated by greys, blood reds, purples and warm browns. These are all ultra glossy but contain no glitter for a darker look this season. Reds and purples are particularly popular and are available in a range of brands for every budget.


Revlon, shade name - vixen. £6.16



Revlon, shade name - one perfect coral £6.16



Nails inc, shade name victoria charm polish £15


Essie, shade name over the top £8.33



HAIR
Hair will be styled this A/W loosely pinned back from the head in a half do with loose curls as seen in Chanel. Click 'play' on this video to view how to interpret this into a wearable look:





FASHION

The clothes of this season follow similar tones to the 'in' nail varnishs with reds, rust, oranges and grey blues all stealing the show. Golds and silvers feature on dark fabrics like plum black and have sheer cut out sections with embellishment that catches the light setting the tone for partying.

Sorry for the smallness of this pic - it wont let me save off the website! Topshop 'armour dress' £200

Love Em <3

Murder on the dance floor

Sugared cuttle fish - yum yum! Or not. Last nights murder mystery party consisted of:: Lots of alcohol, chinese food, fortune cookies, laughter, unflattering photos, chatter, drunken talking and dancing. Good times!

It was my A levels results today; I needed 2Bs and a C to get into my first uni. I opened up my history results and some of my modules hadn't even been included! So I'd only gotten BCC overall and been accepted into my insurance. I was fuming! It turned out I should have at least got a B as well in history, so now I need to wait to get it all sorted with my right grades whilst I hang onto a thread to get into my first uni choice! Arrgghhh.

Unlucky in lurrrve

Urgh I went out on a night out last night and ended up having a greasy pizza, so I'm going to try make up for it today by having about 400cals. I really don't want to go back up in weight; I felt so shitty when I was larger. If anything I have at least half a stone to go but I wont be drinking for a while so hopefully I'll still keep losing.



Last night was really good although a bit dead for the Monday. Jo and me met my other two friends Ashley and Liz at the train station and we headed up to Sinners to take advantage of the £2 deal doubles they had on. I had the most assholish guy ever who kept on asking for my student ID even though he was serving everyone else students without one :@. Ashley was really nervous as she liked Sean the last time we went out but they were both in relationships, but this time round Ashley was single and Sean pretty much cheats on his girlfriend anyway with prostitutes. (Yep Ashley knows this but somehow this is not phasing her :/). He wouldn't even look at her when he first came in as he needed 'dutch courage' to approach her so I was hassled with the 'oh what should I do' on both sides for the night. Heh, I probably encouraged it because I'm more loyal to Ashley than the other girls feelings and they're relationship in dead in the water. Personally, I wouldn't have touched Sean with a barge pole keeping in mind his prostitution past and I certainly wouldn't have bothered if he had a girlfriend unless he straight out said he would leave her. I spent alot of the night talking to Jonny, my boyfriends friend as he's so hilarious. He was doing the most ridiculous dancing ever in the club, getting complete filthy looks from nearly every guy in there - I was pissing myself ;'). He was a bit drunk and kept on making me kiss him haha. The taxi cost £32 back (robbing bastards!) but it was my last night out for a while so I thought I may as well go all out.

I'll be avoiding facebook for the time being so I don't have to deal with the shit hitting the fan. I feel like this is only going to end in tears; Natalie's if Sean really does dump her, or Ashley if he doesn't. Also they will just be the general constant need to talk about it, she was bad enough when they met and didn't do anything, so god knows what they'll be like now. I'm trolleyed this morning, Steven was annoying me by calling me names which was supposed to be funny, so I was glad to just get out of there and chill at my own place. It's Jo's murder mystery tomorrow wooot so I'm looking forward to that :)
<3

Car booty

Guess how much I weigh today?!

........ 9st 2! Oh yes. I know some of you reading this would be like 'Love, that's a fat day for me', but considering I've weighed 9st 8 for the past year I'm super super chuffed :). Hopefully I'll get down into the 8st region so I can honestly say 'yep I'm 8st something', even if this something will be 8st 13 ;) hehe.

So anyway, I went shopping today at the car boot sale. I <3>

And also this dress for £1.50

Great bargains! ;)

Lately I've been thinking about all the friendships that have gotten a bit sour, mainly with Kat and Becca. I'll talk about that later though because it's 11pm and I'm so tired atm!

To speak or not to speak?

Ok guys, I'm not at 9st 3.4 so I'm at least not gaining at the moment! I hope that it stays off as I've been ill for the past week and had lost my appetite anyway. I'm hoping that it'll start hitting the higher ends of 8st with a bit of perseverance. I'd be totally ecstatic!

Anyway, I was watching episodes of 'The City' tonight. I love Whitney Port (the main person the cameras follow) and her full attitude to life. She just doesn't let those who are being snippy at her see they're affecting her, and rather than bite back she just swallows it up and lets them make a show of themselves to the public. Obviously we as viewers see the way that these other people have treat her and by not retaliating no bad shit rubs off on her, and we are left just judging those horrible people in the first place. For example, Olivia (somebody who works alongside Whitney in her job in fashion) took the credit for an outfit that Whitney had personally put together. Olivia got tons of credit for this whilst Whitney kept quiet to avoid creating waves at work, but obviously she never got away with this as the camera tells the truth.

But does this approach work in real life? After all, if somebody is taking us for a ride there's no public outcry and filming which says otherwise for us. That person is left to go on with the 'upper hand' of getting what they wanted whilst the person who didn't bite back gets trampled on. Sometimes I think "I'll say nothing and be the bigger person rather than cause drama", but the other side says "Why should I let *whoever* get away with this?!" What experiences do you gus share on this issue? What are you opinions?

<3

Expensive vs. cheap nail varnishes

Hiya guys, so this post is my review on whether their really is a difference in quality from the cheap to the expensive nail varnishes. I bought 6 nail varnishs off 'Nails inc' a reputable nail varnish and compared them with Collection 2000 nail and Primark nail varnishes.

Nails inc.
Cost: At 10.50 a bottle these are at the higher price range for nail varnishes.
Bottle: Normal to every other nail varnish I've purchased. They were exact to the cheaper brands such as Collection 2000 in terms of the brush and the bottle.
Colours: Beautiful colours that only need one coat to get a deep intense colour. Really pretty! BUT they chipped really really easily which was a bit frustrating.
Overall rating: 7/10. Really cute colours but overpriced and chipped just as easily as cheaper brands. On the other hand only need one coat - so maybe cost effective in the long run?

Collection 2000
Cost: £1.99 a bottle. Fairly cheap.
Bottle: Opened up easily and brush was perfect.
Colours: Cute colours, needed a few coats to get a nice finish. The colours are not as beautifully finished as Nails inc. but you could probably find something very similar.
Overall rating: 6/10. As long as you find a colour you like, you wont be disappointed. There is so many to choose from you're bound to find the 'in' autumn colours in the right shade for you.

Primark
Cost: 6 for £3 in a set. Great value!
Bottle: The brush wasn't the same length all the way through so it had to be cut before I used it. Not the best quality.
Colours: The colours were probably the most sustainable to chipping but as with the Collection 2000's needed more than one coat. Really limited in colour choices.
Overall rating: 5/10. Colours were quite limited, and it was annoying to have to trim them all before I could even use them. Despite this, they lasted a long time once they were on.

Generally, I believe it doesn't really make a difference what brand you go for. Nails inc. are beautiful colours but you can get really nice colours anyway for a 1/5 of the price. Also they might only take one coat, but they chip over everything! So really I'd say they were as sustainable as the cheaper brands.

What are your opinions?
<3

Spoil Sports

It was my friend Jo's birthday on the 6th - so I got all revved up to go and help her make a night of it. Amongst the girlies were yours truly, Jo the birthday girl, Crazy Rebecca B, Hardcore drinker Roz and Whiney-Bex.

I knew we'd go places that I wasn't really into; a pirate bar which had no recognizable cocktails and a rock bar where I was bitten four times were amongst these, but I had a laugh and made sure that everybody was feeling the party vibe. More than anything, I knew Jo had worried about pleasing everyone so I wanted to make sure she was having a good time.

Eventually after a few more bars we decided to go to a club, Liquid. We agreed to pay the £3 entry fee, Roz having to pay in Bex for some unknown reason. The music was pumping, so we headed to the floor. Everyone was getting into the groove.

Other than Bex. She just stood there limp for literally two songs before she went to the toilets. Roz went in after her and told us that Bex 'hated' it, but keeping in mind we had spent two hours in shit holes for Bex I couldn't help but feel annoyed as she'd barely given it six minutes. So Roz feeling guilty and responsible had to leave with Bex to go back to a scummy pub. I made a big effort to make sure Jo was having a good time and we had a right laugh, just the three of us, but I could tell that it was niggling on Jo and she felt a bit shit about it.

We were really enjoying ourselves but at two, an hour and half since we'd been in the club, Bex rang to say they couldn't get back in as it allowing people through the doors at 2am. Bex would have definiately went home ages ago but as Jo was paying for the full taxi I knew she'd stay to the bitter end - and huff about it along the way. So we had to leave which was really annoying as all three of us wanted to stay out, but we couldn't just leave them outside.

Outiside, Jo, Roz and myself decided to end the night with some dirty junk food but Bex complained we wouldn't be able to eat it in the taxi, clearly expecting that since she wanted to get home that everyone else should jump for her. We sat inside, trying to cheer up Bex who you would have thought had just been told a loved one had just died or something.

When we finished she even went in a huff because we explained you couldn't just jump in the taxi line in front of people just because you needed the larger taxis and that you had to wait in the que. Next, keeping in mind Jo was paying for everybodys taxi she asked if it would be ok to drop us off at a place in between all our houses rather than drop us off straight outside our doors. We all agreed - other than Bex of course, as she had to walk for 20 mins (just like Becca and Roz who didn't complain).

I remembered when it was Bex's birthday and she had brought her own car as she wasn't drinking. Jo had lost the people she was supposed to be getting a taxi back with and couldn't afford it on her own, so Jo asked for a lift off Bex (they live about 5 mins away from eachother) and Bex went completely off it. Jo even said she would walk from Bex's but Bex made such a massive issue out of it as if Jo had just asked for her one working kidney or something. Bex is notorious for never giving lifts even when she has the space and it would be at no extra cost as we'd walk from hers so if she's that spiteful more than anything she should expect the same back.

I just couldn't believe the cheek of Bex. Even if it wasn't her scene she could have made the effort to enjoy Liquid and compromise. She could have been less snotty about the taxi or offered to pay the difference considering how harsh she is with her own lifts. Am I being unreasonable? Do you guys think that she was in the right? Let me know :)

Shakiras a she wolf?!

Ok I get that Shakira is kind of known for her sexiness, but how over the top is this video?! Maybe it's to distract from the painful wolf noises that occur half way through.......

Boredom Busters

What do you guys do in the holidays to keep yourself busy?

Now that Summer School is out of the way, I just feel like I have literally nothing to occupy myself with. I've seen tons of my friends, and so much of my boyfriend that I'm sure his Dad is wondering whether he should ask for me board. I've been exercising everyday (and as a result now weigh 9st 4.6 instead of 9st 8, yayyy) and even went as far as to do my nails like this:



I was impressed with myself! I tried to take a photo but my camera is being really lame and incapable of picking up the detail :(. I took Molly, my doggy, out for a good 3 hours and took her swimming until the heat became a bit too much for both of us. I talked to all my family, applied for jobs, and then....
And then what? I have no idea what the hell to do with myself after I've done all these things. I don't want to suffocate friends or my boyfriend. I remember a month or so ago I was crumbling under the stress of my massive list of things to do and couldn't wait for a holiday. Now I honestly don't know what to do with myself, especially after I finish my my marathon series 2 of Heroes. Any suggestions?

Facebook account Burnt Toast

Hiya everybody :). I've set up a facebook account if anyone is interested; http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/profile.php?id=100000131230835&ref=profile

Love <3

Stuck in a rut

Weight is an issue which has been affecting me alot lately. No matter how hard I try I'm failing on a daily basis in my attempt to shed some poundage and it's becoming to annoying. I've managed to keep to the excersise, but as soon as it gets to about 6pm all my "stick to 1200 calories" promises crash and I can't resist temptation. I feel so frustrated and annoyed; it's as simple as just not eating extra but I feel so hungry all the time and have constant cravings.

This might be down to my food choices, I keep thinking "Oh these chips, 144 calories for ten chips that's fine" but of course that wont fill me up and I end up giving up and going for the bulk. I feel totally out of my depth, sickened by my expanding belly and general inability to stay controlled. I feel like throwing up right now I'm getting so fed up, but I know that's a slippy slope to how I was before. I don't want to obsess about my weight like I did, but I'm getting more and more desperate for something that will work for me. I used to run a very successful (and still going strong even though I haven't used it for years) weight loss forum which was aimed at girls like myself who were at a healthy weight, but just wanted to be that little bit skinnier. I know that's just one click away, just to kick myself off again. I also know I'll become obsessive and start taking it to extremes, easily influenced. Argh. I'm swamped by images of girls so thin and seem to be constantly eating out, they make it look so easy.

It doesn't help that everytime I opt for a healthy option I get screamed at by my Mam for costing the household money. For example, I ate my meal downstairs for a change (I usually eat in my room for this very reason) and I had used a handful of brown rice, half a pepper and half a tin of tuna. Keeping in mind, noone in my house likes brown rice and the pepper was ready to throw out as it was nearly rotted through. I was really excited as the whole meal was low in calories and super healthy but my Mam immediately started staring me out. I hate it when people stare when I'm eating and my Mam is fully aware of the problems I have with self image and my unhealthy starving in the past, but she seems to thrive on manipulating it. She especially loves that I've put on so much weight so she can make jibes. Straight off, she started ranting at me about how I eat everything and my Dad had wanted to say something since I kept on eating all the eggs (they're 80 cals so I love them), and how I should contribute and pay for my own food, etc etc, on and on until I just couldn't help but cry and left my food nearly untouched. I stayed in my room all day where my Mam shouted through I was being a total baby and couldn't control myself. I didn't eat for the rest of the day scared Mam would start commenting again. She's been away for the weekend with my Dad so since then in an almost rebellious way I've been eating whatever. Fuck it, she's not here to watch and mock me.

I have such an unsteady relationship with food. When I try to think back, I guess it's a mixture of shyness as a child which turned to criticising myself as I got bullied and then turning this on my eating habits as I started to get criticised for that. My Mam used to make me sit at the table and force me to eat whatever she had made, not letting me leave until I ate it all. If I didn't, I stayed at the table for hours crying until I was eventually allowed to go which was the most often option. I hated the dishes she made, I loathe pasta but her meals were always spag bol or past and mince so I didn't want to force myself to eat something I really didn't like.

"I don't understand why you can't just have a sandwich like everyone else, instead of eating us out of house and home. Your so selfish, we've wanted to say something for weeks. Your so greedy. Why don't you pay for it?" is the general argument spat at me in the most accusing and disgusted voice ever, especially recently. I would love to turn round and punch her straight in her obnoxious face in an imaginary world. Hmmm maybe I don't want to eat a sandwich because we only have white bread, which is unhealthy and that I hate the taste of and 127 calories a slice (!), we only have red meat or cheese which are both high cal and generally sandwiches don't actually fill me. I feel so hurt she uses food against me.

I don't know how to control anything from my relationships with people to food. I'm so annoyed that she's uses my insecurities so grossly and making me totally swing out of control with my weight. I have no idea where to go from here.

Spice up your life!

Sorry for the Spice Girls lyrics for the title hehe. It's hard to stop myself sometimes ;).

Anyhoo, to spice up my blog I'm starting a new section that you can see on the left hand side of my blog called 'Challenge me'. You can literally ask me anything or challenge me to do anything, and I'll email you back a link to a new blog with the experience. Please drop me by an email - dont be shy! My emails e_burnt.toast@yahoo.com . Even if you just want to leave a comment or a suggestion you can use that email. Basically I just want to hear from you guys! If you give me a rather large challenge I'll add it to my challenge list on this link here:

http://www.my50.com/yourlistro.php?list=3b7a7e29d019f5bd

If you're feeling really brave, let me know if you fancy starting a 'Challenge me' or 'Ask me anything' blogging section.
Love <>