I told Steven he doesn't make enough effort to see me, he promised he would and so far has made time to see me Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. On Sunday we watched a Beautiful Mind and he made me cry by making a cutting remark which hit a nerve because my Mam always says it. Then yesterday (Tues) I gave him a blowjob and a handjob after we settled down with fish and chips. I slept over and he's went out twice already, once to walk the dog, then out with his Dad going down shields to buy a game. Pretty bored now, but going home v. soon thank god. Got to walk Molly but he wants to see me again as well, he's one extreme to the other. xxx

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So I'm going to start blogging mine and Stevens sex life. Noone knows who I am on this blog so I don't have to worry about being judged and its a good way to get things off my chest. I came round Stevens at 8pm to sleep over, we watched Sexy Beast (was okay) and then Steven had had only 4 hours of sleep so we hit the hay at 12pm. When we woke up the idea was to have a work day, but I had a driving lesson and we just messed around the whole time. He wasn't being wayy too much like he usually is and I actually really felt in the mood for sex. He was really turned on so we had to stop a few times to avoid him coming but then we both had a good orgasm :).

Wow so I'm not going to go through any of my past blogs for fear of how crazy cat ladyish I probably sound :'). The thing is, I never update this blog unless I'm going through some sort of episode and need to get my feelings out. Noone is reading this so why update on my day when I'll never look through it again? But writing out how I'm feeling allows me to feel chilled so it doesn't matter if I never look at it again. If that makes sense?

It's nearly 12 and I'm tidying my room. I'm starting to not want to go to uni again and have started skiving, so I'm trying to get my life sorted this weekend. Even having plans such as driving is stressing me out :/. I'm supposed to be going to the pub with my boyfriend to chat with his mates, but I can't help think.... I wont have fun and I'll actually be paying to not have fun as my boyfriend doesn't buy my drinks anymore. That's very superficial but that is what I'm honestly thinking. Uni is going better, especially my Eng class as I feel more like I'm fitting in with it all a bit now. Steven wants me to go to Northumbria open day with me (which he did for me last year) but the thought of going around on the open day will be totally shitty. I guess I should do it for him as he did it for me, but can't help but think I'm so uber busy with work that I should be spending it actually doing something worthwhile. I don't know :/. Being organised is the only way I seem to be able to function, so I guess I'll just work on that.
Ciao for now xxxx

I hate you so much right now.............

Surprisingly Katie made an effort to have a night clubbing with me yesterday. I didn't know whether I wanted to come as I haven't exactly been friends with her for a long time as she's so unreliable but I'm really glad that I did now. She still talks ALOT about herself, but I realised that I missed her alot. More than anything she gave me the closure I have needed for a long time that it wasn't me she had the problem with, but that she was too wrapped up in her boyfriend. She admitted that she didn't have many friends left which I kind of guessed she couldn't be bothered to see anybody before. We had a really long chat (me her and jo), mostly centering around her and how shes kind of seeing this guy and despite sleeping with him twice nothing more has happened. After we sat and chilled in Beach bar where she promised she was going to make a big effort with me which was really nice to hear. We went into Glitterball after where we had a really good dance; it was super busy but there was loads of choice in music and I felt better than I had in a long time :). I bumped into the waitress who works at a restaurant I aleways visit as it's so cheap which just tells you how much I must go there :'). I also seen a girl from my old dancing class off years ago and Jonny's brother who we danced with for a while which was really great as I usually see nobody that I know.

Steven, bless his cotton socks, picked us up at 2am and I secretly wanted Katie and Jo to give him money for the petrol but he was such a gentleman he wouldn't take anything. I was really tired and happy to be cuddled into bed with him. He woke me up wanting sex and it has been a while but I really wasn't in the mood (something to do with drinking a jug of cocktails the night before....?) but I still did. I had a very lazy morning and he dropped me at mine, we had a cup of tea and then he parted ways. I decided to try to make a work on my essay which has been giving me panic atttacks all week and sorted out the structure. Also, I uploaded a video for youtube which I'm slowly losing hopes with, some mofo keeps on rating my vids 1 star the moment I put them on (maybe one of my 14 subs?) so I went on my other account and specifically rated them 5 stars so it would equal out at 3 so people who stumble across my chanel will at least give it the time of day. I actually think my looks are fine and I should have the same amount of subs as others, but hopefully in time.

My dad who is overweight and eats so quickly it looks as if he's in pain was drinking juice in my ear which was so gross. Everyone in the family secretly slags off how he shovels his food in behind his back; I had about 5 chips to go before I was finished my tea when he began his and he was scraping up before me. Anyways I give him a look like 'ew' for drinking in my ear so gross and he said he would punch me in the face if he were in a restaurant. Um like, wtf how over reacting can you be? He started saying that I was a total immature bitch proper screaming at me and of course everyone else in the family just totally ignored that he was clearly being out of order despite that I always defend them. He's such a dick that I had such a compulsive need to just smack him straight in the back of his head, but of course I just went upstairs eventually. To finish off a fab night I had the shits (oh yes I did just go there hhahaha) and I was going to vent at Steven but instead I wrote to him '<3 you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx' and vented out my anger here, then arranged a party to make me feel better.

I seriouslllly need to sort out my life. Sorry I've been totally neglecting this blog, if anybody is actually reading it, which I doubt :'). I guess that I can write as freely as I want though if I think that nobody is reading and also it helps to calm me down a bit.







Urgh I swear to god I just need a total life overhall. I have so much going for me but at the same time I alway feel like I'm running to keep up with what everybody else seems to find so easy. Maybe I'm still finding my feet in the world, I don't know. Since I moved to Uni there seems to be an endless array of essays that I'm having to do all last minute because I'm constantly behind with another. It's like I always feel on edge as an essay just seems to spring out of nowhere. I seriosuly need to organise. Speaking of, my room is a total shitty mess which is absoultely no fault but my own, so I'm delibertely inviting a group of friends to my house on the 17th of December so it's at least nice and tidy for Xmas as it's the only way I will actually ever tidy it. I usually face the wall when I'm on the laptop to avoid looking at the mess, so I think it seriously needs to be done :').





Also, my parents aren't getting on very well because my Dad never shows any affection to my Mam and they don't have sex anymore. She just can't understand why, and expects me to question him about why he doesn't love her anymore. My Mam really only sees her driving instructor, one friend who's husband has just died, Dad's side of the family (hers live away) and the people who she works for. So obviosuly she can't be going on about her own situation to someone who's in the grieving process, it's unprofessional to talk about it to her instructor or people she works for and she can't exactly slag off her own husband to his family. So by default that leaves me for her to vent every single problem over. I don't want to be harsh and tell her not to unload all her problems on me, but I feel these are problems too big for me to know the answer to. She's so negative as well, there's always a reason for why she can't take steps towards a solution; I suggest maybe it's an actual physical problem, but she dismisses it. Marriage conselling? Not interested. She seems to think beauty and making an effort with yourself equals attraction and that's it, but you could be the most attractive person in the world and this could happen to anybody. It really annoys me that Dad refuses to talk about problems point blank, and just ends up saying spiteful things to avoid answering her. I feel it's mostly Dad's fault as he refuses to talk like a normal human being so that means she has to talk to me instead. She's literally tried everything but he explodes at her other nothing. I really feel like he has depression but male pride will make sure he doesn't do anything about it until he ends up with nothing. Not that I'm saying she is totally free of blame either; she's way too needy, relies on him for everything and she is constantly complainging. On the other hand, Dad shows more affection for the dog than he does for her, so what does he expect? Her to be dancing up and down like everything is great and dandy? I wish things were all happy, but life is just not like that unfortunately.





My friends have also been a problem area lately... Ashley is in a mood as I don't have as much time to see her. I had to cancel twice on her about 2 months back because last minute work came up which I totally coudln't help, and I did arrange to see her another time, but it's as if she is still holding it against me. For her birthday she was typically ignorant and walked off all over the place as if she didn't give a shit if I was there or not, so as this has happened a few times now I finally made the decision to not bother going on clubbing nights out with her anymore. Now that she keeps on asking me to them I have to constantly make excuses which I guess she is probably picking up on, but I know with Ashley she will never let it lie again if I told her the truth. Her full attitude is also the whole 'can't do this', 'can't do that'. She got accepted to a great university down south but she is so reliant on her family she wouldn't move and gave up the chance. When I invited her to my get together and said I'd provide pizza and drink, you think I'd just told her that I was planning to take a poo on her bed. She was actually scared to come down my house as I have a cat and dog, even though I live in the loft so if Molly my overweight (bless her) dog which is at least 12 years old can get up those stairs, I will personally my my shoes. I know that's harsh but I just feel like negative attitudes really bring me down. She's been totally funny with me lately anyway and I'm not that assed if she comes or not, so I don't know why she's acting like the queen or something. I think she's getting a bit big for her boots thinking she owns our group since we always go out together not and because Jo is currently bumming her. I think the best thing is to have a break from facebook to avoid the constant needy instant messages where she tries to force me into going out with her everytime I'm online. Also she is totally crazy about boys and gets obsessive with them after meeting them for 30mins so alongside her neediness I have to also put up with her 'feel sorry for me' pleas too.





Jo is being really annoying lately too - she has bad self confidence anyway, but since she's started dieting she says she's became aware of how big she's gotten. Every night out is her constantly feeling shit about herself and comparing herself to every person in the room which must be horrible for her, but doing this is a recipe for disaster as you're just going to feel terrible about yourself.
^^ God I just wrote tons there and it just cut it all off and crashes. Sorry I cba to write it all up again so bullet point time :)
* It's hard to lose weight, you can't just change your diet/excersise as I know from bitter experience.
* Rebecca is a fruit loop and I shouldn't expect her to change just because I have alot lately.
Ciao!! :D

He's just not that into you

Word of advice: When people tell you about their problems they actually rarely want your advice.

For example, my friend Ashley who is currently single meets some guy in a club, knows him for about 30mins, swaps numbers and comes out disappointed when he ends up messing her around. "He was so genuinely lovely" she says about a guy she met in a taxi que, "We talked for hours" she says dreamily, only to find out that she is talking about facebook which is hardly the most effective way to find out someones intentions. There was the guy she met on a night out, and after he finally arranged to meet up with her (after cancelling tons of times previously which should have been an indicator), he talked to her for 5 mins and claimed he'd left his mobile upstairs... And then never came back. Now it's a guy she talked to in the que, who mentioned offhandedly that he had bad connection, and so this has excused a message she sent to him asking if he wanted to go on a date (even though he's been online), instant messages where he randomly disappears and then total phasing out. But she just can't let it go, there has to be an explanation and it can't be written off, she needs to know. There was a guy with a girlfriend who'd cheated numerous times but she still thought he'd be a good catch. Finally she settled for a guy who was a friend that she had no sexual attraction to, and wondered why it didn't work out.

If only she played it cool and didn't over analyse everything then it wouldn't be so painful when she gets repreatedly disappointed by people that normal girls would not waste an extra breath on. Of course you're going to get disappointed when a guy on a night out is not interested, but you barely know him so by taking it one step at a time it's not going to be as bad. The friend-turned boyfriend- turn frenemy is supposed living proof that no man will work out for her. I don't believe that's true. I really think you need to know a guy first before you jump into a relationship and invest your emotions, but that means dates and time with a guy you fancy, not converting a friendship into something it can never be.

So, if you're scratching your head wondering how relationships never seem to work out, hunni you may need a wakeup call.
Love<3
Em

Katie: My Beautiful Face

http://www.channel4.com/programmes/katie-my-beautiful-face

Above is a link to one of the most moving and inspirational stories I have EVER heard. Katie - a ridiculously beautiful glamour model and hopeful presenter had her life changed forever when her short term boyfriend subjected her to a brutal sexual attack and then hired a hitman to pour sulphuric acid in her face.

What upset me was Katie's negativity towards her face. Yes, her skin was scarred but she actually still looked beautiful because her facial structure and proportions were the same as ever. She still made a massive effort with her hair (which was gorgeous), she had a lush figure any girl would be jealous of and she was amazing at putting together an outfit. She's not only physically attractive but her personality was a total winner and the biggest reason she has ranked it into my top inspirational people of all time. She was funny, lighthearted, open and honest, and she was also very deep and thoughtful. After watching her show I just wanted to be like her (but not in a creepy stalker kind of way). I totally recommend watching her :)

"The truth about Blair and Elle"

So if any of you guys are into watching makeup 'gurus' on youtube you might have came across Blair (juicystar07) and Elle (allthatglitters21). Basically there's been a lot of fuss kicked up because they've swore that they use their real names and don't get paid to make videos. There's tons of evidence that they lie (for example, Blairs' myspace user name was Elizabeth_789, and in a newspaper article published both of their real names were used), yet they're still denying it.

I'm all for protecting your name and think it's quite cute they chose names based on their fave tv shows and films (Blair -gossip girl, Elle - Legally blonde). BUT to be fair if you only say your first name the chances are unless it's ridiculously obscure it would be near impossible to find the right 'Elizabeth' or 'Lisa' you were looking for, so I don't really see the point. It's only really a problem if you mention your last name too. What annoyed me is saying they don't get paid for videos when they're both partners on youtube so yes they'll def be getting paid. Also, they suspiciously seem to give amazing reviews for products which all the gurus seem to "buy" at the same time in every colour and shape. Obviously these are getting sent to be reviewed so whats the point in lying? You may as well review them but be honest about it too so people can make up their own minds. I still really like them though but sometimes I don't know whether I trust their opinions on products because you don't know whether they're just saying it to keep the freebies.

What do you guys think?
Love <3

Happy as Larry

Ugh I just feel so ill and run down. Jimmy (my reoccuring spot on my chin which tells me to kill people) has now got at least 5 cronies. Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh.





THINGS STRESSING ME :

(Sorry to start with the bad, but if I list the good things last I will remember them more ;) heh)

* My shitty ass friends. I'm not perfect AT ALL. Nuh-uh. BUT I do not be in a huff for somebody for weeks with no explanation, then leave them snipey comments, but snap out of it one day and act like nothing ever happened. I don't leave them waiting holding my birthday present for 35 minutes and do not even say sorry. I dont keep on walking off in nightclubs because I don't really care if they're there or not, and exchange about 5 words with them all night. I don't cancel on them and become unreachable. I don't have a go at friends because I'm feeling down about myself.

If this was all the same person I'd shit them out like a bad takeaway. Unfortunately this is talking about 4 different people, and I'm not going to even deny I'd rather have shoddy friends than no friends.




* Uni. Firstly, which mofo invented "study groups". For those who have not experienced this delight, the class is split into groups and we are expected to meet up in our own time. Expect nobody to return emails/texts/ or to bother turning up. Basically just pertend you are that poo that wont flush down, it's just THERE to remind you.



* Driving: that's it, I'm going automatic.



* Editing videos: They wont publish on my computer and they crash up on my laptop. Lose/lose. :(



* Parents arguing about sex issues. Yet again.



______________________________



THINGS TO BE HAPPY ABOUT:

* My room is finally tidy! I have space!!!! Yayy

* I love Steven :) he's one of the best things in my life right now.

* I have a very supporting and caring family.

* I have maintained my weight at 9st 2

* I'm starting to at least settle into Uni

* I'm improving at driving, and I at least have the money to learn to drive.

* I dont believe Mam and Dad would ever split up. If they did the little child in me would be very apparent :(

____________________________
CONSTRUCTIVE WAYS TO GET IT SORTED:
* Have a week with no contact from said shoddy friends, before I do anything rash.
* Do not go out for nights out with those who are only interested in replicating sex on the dance floor.
* From now on if a friend is being funny, just swallow it up and dont worry. It's her problem not mine.
* Arrange a study group, if nobody turns up, fuck them. Just write the notes privately.
* Start making vids 71/2 mins long, or change to a photo blog.
* Talk to both parents and try fix things a little.

LOVElove<3

Things can only get better

Sorry I've been a really bad blogger recently and haven't updated for ages! Everything has just been so hectic recently it's been hard to get the essentials done nevermind anything else. First of all my shitty job at Momos is finally over since he hasn't given me anymore shifts. To be honest he was a moody shit so really I'm glad that I don't have to see him again. Also I've just started Uni and I feel so lost.... This might be the best Uni in the region but I feel so out of place and like I'm just going from one lecture to the next completely clueless. It's my first year and I'm already clueless!! This is when it's easy and you can take the piss which means it will inevitably only get worse :'(.

I've also just moved rooms to the larger room upstairs which has taken alot of work but it's alot better for the size so I'm happy at least about that :). Things have been bad with the boyfriend again: I'm really worried for him. He's going through a really bad time and I don't think he's fully over his Mam's death. Also he's been arguing with his brother and Dad alot so those two things together are really messing him up. Even little things like missing the bus, and my Youtube vids messing up after spending hours editing them are really getting me down. I want to run and hide into the little envelope of A levels again....

I've had two driving lessons which has just added to my overall general feeling of stress. I nearly crashed the car twice haha :').

Things can only get better?

New job

Hiya guys :) so I started my new job last Saturday so heres the lowdown:
On the first day I was supposed to be trained by my friend and another worker but they were too busy so I pretty much learnt nothing haha. Anyhoo he still put me in by myself on my next shift on Tuesday omg and I got two orders wrong so he was going totally off it at me. I felt really upset so I think he picked up on it and made me a pizza. The day after I was in again on Wednesday and he actually brought in his wife to have a meal and "spy" on me. At first I thought "Oh she probably just eats in here all the time" but she actually came up after and said he'd literally told her to come in and look at me. She then stayed behind telling me what to do which made me feel super shit even though I'm guessing she gave me a good review as he kept on telling her to just chill out and go home which I don't think he would have done otherwise. Finally I was in with Kemi on Friday with no mistakes and I felt confident and was getting good tips. I was supposed to be getting paid a week behind but as I wasn't in on Saturday I'm supposed to get paid on the Friday, but at the last minute he asked me to come in.

I rushed around all day shopping for my boyfriend when he rang an hour beforehand to say I wasn't "needed" anymore so to just come in on Wednesday. I'm totally going to have to be like ummm no I need paying. I think he's trying to get out of it because he kept on saying it was a 'trial run' but at the end of the day I worked just as much as anybody so I really feel I should be paid. Arrggghgh can't be assed to update anymore. Cus later !

Falling at the last hurdle

Aaaah I'm incapable of keeping weight off for long :(. Feel really fat and shitty about myself again, but if I've lost weight once I can lose it again so I'll just have to stop eating my weight in cake which might help a bit ;). Every outing with my friends revolves around food and/or drinking, but I think I'm going to start asking if they want to come out during the day instead maybe for beach outings and whatever so I can be torn away from temptation.

Yesterday it was my friends leaving do as she's going away to Uni in Sheffield, but some of her other friends were there and it was a little awkward. At least I put in an appearance though which is the main thing. I've finally sorted University as well which is making the holidays alot less stressful although I'm quite worried about Steven's birthday and forking out money :(. I also can't afford my bus pass yet so I'm having to get the really expensive day tickets urgh. On the bright side I have a trial run for a restaurant on Saturday so I will let you know how it goes :).

I've gotta feeling.......

Don't worry this isn't a photo of my secret identity finally unfolding :p. Just some of the competition when I was FORCED to enter a pole dancing competition - I shit you not. So me and five of my friends went out for some pizza and a drink afterwards. It was only supposed to be a little sociable drink but Liz got rejected from our usual pub as she only has an identity card. The music was shitty in the next pub so we (and by that I mean me after a few glasses of wine hahahaha) thought it would be a good idea to go to a club close by for a bit of a dance. They were hosting a pole dancing competition later on and the guy running it was trying to influence us to join in. Jo got out of it by cheekily saying it was her day off and he left us alone for the time being. All seemed well........

It started getting super packed as everybody waited to see the competition. The dancing wasn't anything amazing; just normal dancing a bit more dirty, with the prop of a pole now and again. I don't know if I've ever mentioned in my blogging Liz's elaborate OTT sexual dancing which has been many a cringe for us, but this was the perfect competition for her. She decided she'd have a practice run in the break to see if she fancied entering but wanted our moral support so we got up just dancing normally (firmly in the sidelines). Anyway Liz made up some shitty excuse about the pole being sweaty but really I think she just lost her balls :p. The competition was starting again so we went off stage to let room for the entrants. All of a sudden, half way off the stage the host off before grabbed my hand and would not let go. Everyone in the whole club had crowded round this stage by this time and were all cheering me on. Oh shit. I looked for an escape root, but my bag was in the middle of the massive crowd so I'd have to walk straight into all the jeering and boos before I could get the fuck out.

Before I knew it, it was too late. Too late to run, too late to pretend I was too pissed from alcohol etc. I had two options, RUN BITCH RUN.... Or give it the best shot I had and hoped that noone would remember the next day. I got the worst song ever (I've got a feeling by Black Eyed Peas, how can you dance sexily to that shit?) but I thought "everyone will remember me if I make a big deal of not doing it but noone will remember otherwise". So I went for it full on. I felt awkward a little but tried my best to hide it.. And won! I made it to the finals but nothing would ever possess me to do that again. Everyone cheered me on and were saying how great I looked etc which chilled me alot as I can totally tell when they're lying about this shit and that was my biggest worry. I think they were shocked I actually did it but at the same time were impressed I had the balls. Lots of other girls give it a go and were quite good but I think the host had a little something for me haha. In a way I'm glad I entered as that has to rank as one of my most embarrassing moments so I'm hoping other things will slide into minuscule proportion!

<3

1

Ugh I just feel so disgusting at the moment. As you guys know I've been dieting and have got my weight down to 9st2 but I'm just eating like such a pig I'm bound to put weight on soon again.

The day started out really well; I had a tin of sweetcorn (200 cals) and then for tea I had 2 slices of eggy bread (500 cals), then took my dog for a walk to make sure I was burning a bit of fat. Then, I had some disgusting binge and ate a bowl of rice pudding, pineapple and custard. Fuck it. I helped myself to two toasted bacon cheese sandwiches. I'm such a failure and I feel so gross. The tiny little thought to just throw it up crossed my mind but I can't stand the idea. I'm hoping to death that I can survive a fast tomorrow which I've never done.

Wish me luck

A2 results

Hiya guys :). I got my A/2 results the other week and got 2 Bs :) and a C. I was hoping to do better than that but I just missed out on As in both History and English by a few marks. I still got into Newcastle Uni so not really a point in resitting. Since I got into my first choice I get a £1500 scholarship as well yayyy :). I feel nervous a bit but I know I'll be fine after a few weeks.

At the moment I've been making a youtube channel to do makeup on. I'm having a bit of a problem setting up my camera at the moment but hopefully it'll be up and running by tomorrow! I've just became so interested in makeup recently. I've always loved it but especially lately I've been so much more aware of trends, fashions and the types of different products available. I've officially been dragged in ;).

Inevitably there has been drama in the meantime since I last updated. Sean (who dumped his girlfriend of a year and a half for my friend Ashley) is now back with Natalie. Ashley is going off it despite that they've only been on one proper date and only kissed. Shes being really harsh to Natalie saying she's a fat monster he's only taking pity on which is very harsh as it's not really Natalie's fault... She's literally telling everyone who'll listen and writing it all over facebook about how Natalie should watch her back as she'll cheat and how pathetic Sean is. I do feel bad for Ashley as she got all her hopes up and Sean has been a total love rat, but I feel like most of the anger should be directed at him more than anything... Hopefully it'll blow over.

That's it for now kids :)
<3

Autumn/Winter Fashion 2009, Nails and Makeup

Whats in this fall? Here's the low down on whats 'in' at the top end sector of the fashion industry.....enjoy!


NAILS


The colours of the AW collections are dominated by greys, blood reds, purples and warm browns. These are all ultra glossy but contain no glitter for a darker look this season. Reds and purples are particularly popular and are available in a range of brands for every budget.


Revlon, shade name - vixen. £6.16



Revlon, shade name - one perfect coral £6.16



Nails inc, shade name victoria charm polish £15


Essie, shade name over the top £8.33



HAIR
Hair will be styled this A/W loosely pinned back from the head in a half do with loose curls as seen in Chanel. Click 'play' on this video to view how to interpret this into a wearable look:





FASHION

The clothes of this season follow similar tones to the 'in' nail varnishs with reds, rust, oranges and grey blues all stealing the show. Golds and silvers feature on dark fabrics like plum black and have sheer cut out sections with embellishment that catches the light setting the tone for partying.

Sorry for the smallness of this pic - it wont let me save off the website! Topshop 'armour dress' £200

Love Em <3

Murder on the dance floor

Sugared cuttle fish - yum yum! Or not. Last nights murder mystery party consisted of:: Lots of alcohol, chinese food, fortune cookies, laughter, unflattering photos, chatter, drunken talking and dancing. Good times!

It was my A levels results today; I needed 2Bs and a C to get into my first uni. I opened up my history results and some of my modules hadn't even been included! So I'd only gotten BCC overall and been accepted into my insurance. I was fuming! It turned out I should have at least got a B as well in history, so now I need to wait to get it all sorted with my right grades whilst I hang onto a thread to get into my first uni choice! Arrgghhh.

Unlucky in lurrrve

Urgh I went out on a night out last night and ended up having a greasy pizza, so I'm going to try make up for it today by having about 400cals. I really don't want to go back up in weight; I felt so shitty when I was larger. If anything I have at least half a stone to go but I wont be drinking for a while so hopefully I'll still keep losing.



Last night was really good although a bit dead for the Monday. Jo and me met my other two friends Ashley and Liz at the train station and we headed up to Sinners to take advantage of the £2 deal doubles they had on. I had the most assholish guy ever who kept on asking for my student ID even though he was serving everyone else students without one :@. Ashley was really nervous as she liked Sean the last time we went out but they were both in relationships, but this time round Ashley was single and Sean pretty much cheats on his girlfriend anyway with prostitutes. (Yep Ashley knows this but somehow this is not phasing her :/). He wouldn't even look at her when he first came in as he needed 'dutch courage' to approach her so I was hassled with the 'oh what should I do' on both sides for the night. Heh, I probably encouraged it because I'm more loyal to Ashley than the other girls feelings and they're relationship in dead in the water. Personally, I wouldn't have touched Sean with a barge pole keeping in mind his prostitution past and I certainly wouldn't have bothered if he had a girlfriend unless he straight out said he would leave her. I spent alot of the night talking to Jonny, my boyfriends friend as he's so hilarious. He was doing the most ridiculous dancing ever in the club, getting complete filthy looks from nearly every guy in there - I was pissing myself ;'). He was a bit drunk and kept on making me kiss him haha. The taxi cost £32 back (robbing bastards!) but it was my last night out for a while so I thought I may as well go all out.

I'll be avoiding facebook for the time being so I don't have to deal with the shit hitting the fan. I feel like this is only going to end in tears; Natalie's if Sean really does dump her, or Ashley if he doesn't. Also they will just be the general constant need to talk about it, she was bad enough when they met and didn't do anything, so god knows what they'll be like now. I'm trolleyed this morning, Steven was annoying me by calling me names which was supposed to be funny, so I was glad to just get out of there and chill at my own place. It's Jo's murder mystery tomorrow wooot so I'm looking forward to that :)
<3

Car booty

Guess how much I weigh today?!

........ 9st 2! Oh yes. I know some of you reading this would be like 'Love, that's a fat day for me', but considering I've weighed 9st 8 for the past year I'm super super chuffed :). Hopefully I'll get down into the 8st region so I can honestly say 'yep I'm 8st something', even if this something will be 8st 13 ;) hehe.

So anyway, I went shopping today at the car boot sale. I <3>

And also this dress for £1.50

Great bargains! ;)

Lately I've been thinking about all the friendships that have gotten a bit sour, mainly with Kat and Becca. I'll talk about that later though because it's 11pm and I'm so tired atm!