I hate you so much right now.............

Surprisingly Katie made an effort to have a night clubbing with me yesterday. I didn't know whether I wanted to come as I haven't exactly been friends with her for a long time as she's so unreliable but I'm really glad that I did now. She still talks ALOT about herself, but I realised that I missed her alot. More than anything she gave me the closure I have needed for a long time that it wasn't me she had the problem with, but that she was too wrapped up in her boyfriend. She admitted that she didn't have many friends left which I kind of guessed she couldn't be bothered to see anybody before. We had a really long chat (me her and jo), mostly centering around her and how shes kind of seeing this guy and despite sleeping with him twice nothing more has happened. After we sat and chilled in Beach bar where she promised she was going to make a big effort with me which was really nice to hear. We went into Glitterball after where we had a really good dance; it was super busy but there was loads of choice in music and I felt better than I had in a long time :). I bumped into the waitress who works at a restaurant I aleways visit as it's so cheap which just tells you how much I must go there :'). I also seen a girl from my old dancing class off years ago and Jonny's brother who we danced with for a while which was really great as I usually see nobody that I know.

Steven, bless his cotton socks, picked us up at 2am and I secretly wanted Katie and Jo to give him money for the petrol but he was such a gentleman he wouldn't take anything. I was really tired and happy to be cuddled into bed with him. He woke me up wanting sex and it has been a while but I really wasn't in the mood (something to do with drinking a jug of cocktails the night before....?) but I still did. I had a very lazy morning and he dropped me at mine, we had a cup of tea and then he parted ways. I decided to try to make a work on my essay which has been giving me panic atttacks all week and sorted out the structure. Also, I uploaded a video for youtube which I'm slowly losing hopes with, some mofo keeps on rating my vids 1 star the moment I put them on (maybe one of my 14 subs?) so I went on my other account and specifically rated them 5 stars so it would equal out at 3 so people who stumble across my chanel will at least give it the time of day. I actually think my looks are fine and I should have the same amount of subs as others, but hopefully in time.

My dad who is overweight and eats so quickly it looks as if he's in pain was drinking juice in my ear which was so gross. Everyone in the family secretly slags off how he shovels his food in behind his back; I had about 5 chips to go before I was finished my tea when he began his and he was scraping up before me. Anyways I give him a look like 'ew' for drinking in my ear so gross and he said he would punch me in the face if he were in a restaurant. Um like, wtf how over reacting can you be? He started saying that I was a total immature bitch proper screaming at me and of course everyone else in the family just totally ignored that he was clearly being out of order despite that I always defend them. He's such a dick that I had such a compulsive need to just smack him straight in the back of his head, but of course I just went upstairs eventually. To finish off a fab night I had the shits (oh yes I did just go there hhahaha) and I was going to vent at Steven but instead I wrote to him '<3 you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx' and vented out my anger here, then arranged a party to make me feel better.

I seriouslllly need to sort out my life. Sorry I've been totally neglecting this blog, if anybody is actually reading it, which I doubt :'). I guess that I can write as freely as I want though if I think that nobody is reading and also it helps to calm me down a bit.







Urgh I swear to god I just need a total life overhall. I have so much going for me but at the same time I alway feel like I'm running to keep up with what everybody else seems to find so easy. Maybe I'm still finding my feet in the world, I don't know. Since I moved to Uni there seems to be an endless array of essays that I'm having to do all last minute because I'm constantly behind with another. It's like I always feel on edge as an essay just seems to spring out of nowhere. I seriosuly need to organise. Speaking of, my room is a total shitty mess which is absoultely no fault but my own, so I'm delibertely inviting a group of friends to my house on the 17th of December so it's at least nice and tidy for Xmas as it's the only way I will actually ever tidy it. I usually face the wall when I'm on the laptop to avoid looking at the mess, so I think it seriously needs to be done :').





Also, my parents aren't getting on very well because my Dad never shows any affection to my Mam and they don't have sex anymore. She just can't understand why, and expects me to question him about why he doesn't love her anymore. My Mam really only sees her driving instructor, one friend who's husband has just died, Dad's side of the family (hers live away) and the people who she works for. So obviosuly she can't be going on about her own situation to someone who's in the grieving process, it's unprofessional to talk about it to her instructor or people she works for and she can't exactly slag off her own husband to his family. So by default that leaves me for her to vent every single problem over. I don't want to be harsh and tell her not to unload all her problems on me, but I feel these are problems too big for me to know the answer to. She's so negative as well, there's always a reason for why she can't take steps towards a solution; I suggest maybe it's an actual physical problem, but she dismisses it. Marriage conselling? Not interested. She seems to think beauty and making an effort with yourself equals attraction and that's it, but you could be the most attractive person in the world and this could happen to anybody. It really annoys me that Dad refuses to talk about problems point blank, and just ends up saying spiteful things to avoid answering her. I feel it's mostly Dad's fault as he refuses to talk like a normal human being so that means she has to talk to me instead. She's literally tried everything but he explodes at her other nothing. I really feel like he has depression but male pride will make sure he doesn't do anything about it until he ends up with nothing. Not that I'm saying she is totally free of blame either; she's way too needy, relies on him for everything and she is constantly complainging. On the other hand, Dad shows more affection for the dog than he does for her, so what does he expect? Her to be dancing up and down like everything is great and dandy? I wish things were all happy, but life is just not like that unfortunately.





My friends have also been a problem area lately... Ashley is in a mood as I don't have as much time to see her. I had to cancel twice on her about 2 months back because last minute work came up which I totally coudln't help, and I did arrange to see her another time, but it's as if she is still holding it against me. For her birthday she was typically ignorant and walked off all over the place as if she didn't give a shit if I was there or not, so as this has happened a few times now I finally made the decision to not bother going on clubbing nights out with her anymore. Now that she keeps on asking me to them I have to constantly make excuses which I guess she is probably picking up on, but I know with Ashley she will never let it lie again if I told her the truth. Her full attitude is also the whole 'can't do this', 'can't do that'. She got accepted to a great university down south but she is so reliant on her family she wouldn't move and gave up the chance. When I invited her to my get together and said I'd provide pizza and drink, you think I'd just told her that I was planning to take a poo on her bed. She was actually scared to come down my house as I have a cat and dog, even though I live in the loft so if Molly my overweight (bless her) dog which is at least 12 years old can get up those stairs, I will personally my my shoes. I know that's harsh but I just feel like negative attitudes really bring me down. She's been totally funny with me lately anyway and I'm not that assed if she comes or not, so I don't know why she's acting like the queen or something. I think she's getting a bit big for her boots thinking she owns our group since we always go out together not and because Jo is currently bumming her. I think the best thing is to have a break from facebook to avoid the constant needy instant messages where she tries to force me into going out with her everytime I'm online. Also she is totally crazy about boys and gets obsessive with them after meeting them for 30mins so alongside her neediness I have to also put up with her 'feel sorry for me' pleas too.





Jo is being really annoying lately too - she has bad self confidence anyway, but since she's started dieting she says she's became aware of how big she's gotten. Every night out is her constantly feeling shit about herself and comparing herself to every person in the room which must be horrible for her, but doing this is a recipe for disaster as you're just going to feel terrible about yourself.
^^ God I just wrote tons there and it just cut it all off and crashes. Sorry I cba to write it all up again so bullet point time :)
* It's hard to lose weight, you can't just change your diet/excersise as I know from bitter experience.
* Rebecca is a fruit loop and I shouldn't expect her to change just because I have alot lately.
Ciao!! :D

He's just not that into you

Word of advice: When people tell you about their problems they actually rarely want your advice.

For example, my friend Ashley who is currently single meets some guy in a club, knows him for about 30mins, swaps numbers and comes out disappointed when he ends up messing her around. "He was so genuinely lovely" she says about a guy she met in a taxi que, "We talked for hours" she says dreamily, only to find out that she is talking about facebook which is hardly the most effective way to find out someones intentions. There was the guy she met on a night out, and after he finally arranged to meet up with her (after cancelling tons of times previously which should have been an indicator), he talked to her for 5 mins and claimed he'd left his mobile upstairs... And then never came back. Now it's a guy she talked to in the que, who mentioned offhandedly that he had bad connection, and so this has excused a message she sent to him asking if he wanted to go on a date (even though he's been online), instant messages where he randomly disappears and then total phasing out. But she just can't let it go, there has to be an explanation and it can't be written off, she needs to know. There was a guy with a girlfriend who'd cheated numerous times but she still thought he'd be a good catch. Finally she settled for a guy who was a friend that she had no sexual attraction to, and wondered why it didn't work out.

If only she played it cool and didn't over analyse everything then it wouldn't be so painful when she gets repreatedly disappointed by people that normal girls would not waste an extra breath on. Of course you're going to get disappointed when a guy on a night out is not interested, but you barely know him so by taking it one step at a time it's not going to be as bad. The friend-turned boyfriend- turn frenemy is supposed living proof that no man will work out for her. I don't believe that's true. I really think you need to know a guy first before you jump into a relationship and invest your emotions, but that means dates and time with a guy you fancy, not converting a friendship into something it can never be.

So, if you're scratching your head wondering how relationships never seem to work out, hunni you may need a wakeup call.
Love<3
Em

Katie: My Beautiful Face

http://www.channel4.com/programmes/katie-my-beautiful-face

Above is a link to one of the most moving and inspirational stories I have EVER heard. Katie - a ridiculously beautiful glamour model and hopeful presenter had her life changed forever when her short term boyfriend subjected her to a brutal sexual attack and then hired a hitman to pour sulphuric acid in her face.

What upset me was Katie's negativity towards her face. Yes, her skin was scarred but she actually still looked beautiful because her facial structure and proportions were the same as ever. She still made a massive effort with her hair (which was gorgeous), she had a lush figure any girl would be jealous of and she was amazing at putting together an outfit. She's not only physically attractive but her personality was a total winner and the biggest reason she has ranked it into my top inspirational people of all time. She was funny, lighthearted, open and honest, and she was also very deep and thoughtful. After watching her show I just wanted to be like her (but not in a creepy stalker kind of way). I totally recommend watching her :)

"The truth about Blair and Elle"

So if any of you guys are into watching makeup 'gurus' on youtube you might have came across Blair (juicystar07) and Elle (allthatglitters21). Basically there's been a lot of fuss kicked up because they've swore that they use their real names and don't get paid to make videos. There's tons of evidence that they lie (for example, Blairs' myspace user name was Elizabeth_789, and in a newspaper article published both of their real names were used), yet they're still denying it.

I'm all for protecting your name and think it's quite cute they chose names based on their fave tv shows and films (Blair -gossip girl, Elle - Legally blonde). BUT to be fair if you only say your first name the chances are unless it's ridiculously obscure it would be near impossible to find the right 'Elizabeth' or 'Lisa' you were looking for, so I don't really see the point. It's only really a problem if you mention your last name too. What annoyed me is saying they don't get paid for videos when they're both partners on youtube so yes they'll def be getting paid. Also, they suspiciously seem to give amazing reviews for products which all the gurus seem to "buy" at the same time in every colour and shape. Obviously these are getting sent to be reviewed so whats the point in lying? You may as well review them but be honest about it too so people can make up their own minds. I still really like them though but sometimes I don't know whether I trust their opinions on products because you don't know whether they're just saying it to keep the freebies.

What do you guys think?
Love <3

Happy as Larry

Ugh I just feel so ill and run down. Jimmy (my reoccuring spot on my chin which tells me to kill people) has now got at least 5 cronies. Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh.





THINGS STRESSING ME :

(Sorry to start with the bad, but if I list the good things last I will remember them more ;) heh)

* My shitty ass friends. I'm not perfect AT ALL. Nuh-uh. BUT I do not be in a huff for somebody for weeks with no explanation, then leave them snipey comments, but snap out of it one day and act like nothing ever happened. I don't leave them waiting holding my birthday present for 35 minutes and do not even say sorry. I dont keep on walking off in nightclubs because I don't really care if they're there or not, and exchange about 5 words with them all night. I don't cancel on them and become unreachable. I don't have a go at friends because I'm feeling down about myself.

If this was all the same person I'd shit them out like a bad takeaway. Unfortunately this is talking about 4 different people, and I'm not going to even deny I'd rather have shoddy friends than no friends.




* Uni. Firstly, which mofo invented "study groups". For those who have not experienced this delight, the class is split into groups and we are expected to meet up in our own time. Expect nobody to return emails/texts/ or to bother turning up. Basically just pertend you are that poo that wont flush down, it's just THERE to remind you.



* Driving: that's it, I'm going automatic.



* Editing videos: They wont publish on my computer and they crash up on my laptop. Lose/lose. :(



* Parents arguing about sex issues. Yet again.



______________________________



THINGS TO BE HAPPY ABOUT:

* My room is finally tidy! I have space!!!! Yayy

* I love Steven :) he's one of the best things in my life right now.

* I have a very supporting and caring family.

* I have maintained my weight at 9st 2

* I'm starting to at least settle into Uni

* I'm improving at driving, and I at least have the money to learn to drive.

* I dont believe Mam and Dad would ever split up. If they did the little child in me would be very apparent :(

____________________________
CONSTRUCTIVE WAYS TO GET IT SORTED:
* Have a week with no contact from said shoddy friends, before I do anything rash.
* Do not go out for nights out with those who are only interested in replicating sex on the dance floor.
* From now on if a friend is being funny, just swallow it up and dont worry. It's her problem not mine.
* Arrange a study group, if nobody turns up, fuck them. Just write the notes privately.
* Start making vids 71/2 mins long, or change to a photo blog.
* Talk to both parents and try fix things a little.

LOVElove<3

Things can only get better

Sorry I've been a really bad blogger recently and haven't updated for ages! Everything has just been so hectic recently it's been hard to get the essentials done nevermind anything else. First of all my shitty job at Momos is finally over since he hasn't given me anymore shifts. To be honest he was a moody shit so really I'm glad that I don't have to see him again. Also I've just started Uni and I feel so lost.... This might be the best Uni in the region but I feel so out of place and like I'm just going from one lecture to the next completely clueless. It's my first year and I'm already clueless!! This is when it's easy and you can take the piss which means it will inevitably only get worse :'(.

I've also just moved rooms to the larger room upstairs which has taken alot of work but it's alot better for the size so I'm happy at least about that :). Things have been bad with the boyfriend again: I'm really worried for him. He's going through a really bad time and I don't think he's fully over his Mam's death. Also he's been arguing with his brother and Dad alot so those two things together are really messing him up. Even little things like missing the bus, and my Youtube vids messing up after spending hours editing them are really getting me down. I want to run and hide into the little envelope of A levels again....

I've had two driving lessons which has just added to my overall general feeling of stress. I nearly crashed the car twice haha :').

Things can only get better?

New job

Hiya guys :) so I started my new job last Saturday so heres the lowdown:
On the first day I was supposed to be trained by my friend and another worker but they were too busy so I pretty much learnt nothing haha. Anyhoo he still put me in by myself on my next shift on Tuesday omg and I got two orders wrong so he was going totally off it at me. I felt really upset so I think he picked up on it and made me a pizza. The day after I was in again on Wednesday and he actually brought in his wife to have a meal and "spy" on me. At first I thought "Oh she probably just eats in here all the time" but she actually came up after and said he'd literally told her to come in and look at me. She then stayed behind telling me what to do which made me feel super shit even though I'm guessing she gave me a good review as he kept on telling her to just chill out and go home which I don't think he would have done otherwise. Finally I was in with Kemi on Friday with no mistakes and I felt confident and was getting good tips. I was supposed to be getting paid a week behind but as I wasn't in on Saturday I'm supposed to get paid on the Friday, but at the last minute he asked me to come in.

I rushed around all day shopping for my boyfriend when he rang an hour beforehand to say I wasn't "needed" anymore so to just come in on Wednesday. I'm totally going to have to be like ummm no I need paying. I think he's trying to get out of it because he kept on saying it was a 'trial run' but at the end of the day I worked just as much as anybody so I really feel I should be paid. Arrggghgh can't be assed to update anymore. Cus later !

Falling at the last hurdle

Aaaah I'm incapable of keeping weight off for long :(. Feel really fat and shitty about myself again, but if I've lost weight once I can lose it again so I'll just have to stop eating my weight in cake which might help a bit ;). Every outing with my friends revolves around food and/or drinking, but I think I'm going to start asking if they want to come out during the day instead maybe for beach outings and whatever so I can be torn away from temptation.

Yesterday it was my friends leaving do as she's going away to Uni in Sheffield, but some of her other friends were there and it was a little awkward. At least I put in an appearance though which is the main thing. I've finally sorted University as well which is making the holidays alot less stressful although I'm quite worried about Steven's birthday and forking out money :(. I also can't afford my bus pass yet so I'm having to get the really expensive day tickets urgh. On the bright side I have a trial run for a restaurant on Saturday so I will let you know how it goes :).

I've gotta feeling.......

Don't worry this isn't a photo of my secret identity finally unfolding :p. Just some of the competition when I was FORCED to enter a pole dancing competition - I shit you not. So me and five of my friends went out for some pizza and a drink afterwards. It was only supposed to be a little sociable drink but Liz got rejected from our usual pub as she only has an identity card. The music was shitty in the next pub so we (and by that I mean me after a few glasses of wine hahahaha) thought it would be a good idea to go to a club close by for a bit of a dance. They were hosting a pole dancing competition later on and the guy running it was trying to influence us to join in. Jo got out of it by cheekily saying it was her day off and he left us alone for the time being. All seemed well........

It started getting super packed as everybody waited to see the competition. The dancing wasn't anything amazing; just normal dancing a bit more dirty, with the prop of a pole now and again. I don't know if I've ever mentioned in my blogging Liz's elaborate OTT sexual dancing which has been many a cringe for us, but this was the perfect competition for her. She decided she'd have a practice run in the break to see if she fancied entering but wanted our moral support so we got up just dancing normally (firmly in the sidelines). Anyway Liz made up some shitty excuse about the pole being sweaty but really I think she just lost her balls :p. The competition was starting again so we went off stage to let room for the entrants. All of a sudden, half way off the stage the host off before grabbed my hand and would not let go. Everyone in the whole club had crowded round this stage by this time and were all cheering me on. Oh shit. I looked for an escape root, but my bag was in the middle of the massive crowd so I'd have to walk straight into all the jeering and boos before I could get the fuck out.

Before I knew it, it was too late. Too late to run, too late to pretend I was too pissed from alcohol etc. I had two options, RUN BITCH RUN.... Or give it the best shot I had and hoped that noone would remember the next day. I got the worst song ever (I've got a feeling by Black Eyed Peas, how can you dance sexily to that shit?) but I thought "everyone will remember me if I make a big deal of not doing it but noone will remember otherwise". So I went for it full on. I felt awkward a little but tried my best to hide it.. And won! I made it to the finals but nothing would ever possess me to do that again. Everyone cheered me on and were saying how great I looked etc which chilled me alot as I can totally tell when they're lying about this shit and that was my biggest worry. I think they were shocked I actually did it but at the same time were impressed I had the balls. Lots of other girls give it a go and were quite good but I think the host had a little something for me haha. In a way I'm glad I entered as that has to rank as one of my most embarrassing moments so I'm hoping other things will slide into minuscule proportion!

<3

1

Ugh I just feel so disgusting at the moment. As you guys know I've been dieting and have got my weight down to 9st2 but I'm just eating like such a pig I'm bound to put weight on soon again.

The day started out really well; I had a tin of sweetcorn (200 cals) and then for tea I had 2 slices of eggy bread (500 cals), then took my dog for a walk to make sure I was burning a bit of fat. Then, I had some disgusting binge and ate a bowl of rice pudding, pineapple and custard. Fuck it. I helped myself to two toasted bacon cheese sandwiches. I'm such a failure and I feel so gross. The tiny little thought to just throw it up crossed my mind but I can't stand the idea. I'm hoping to death that I can survive a fast tomorrow which I've never done.

Wish me luck

A2 results

Hiya guys :). I got my A/2 results the other week and got 2 Bs :) and a C. I was hoping to do better than that but I just missed out on As in both History and English by a few marks. I still got into Newcastle Uni so not really a point in resitting. Since I got into my first choice I get a £1500 scholarship as well yayyy :). I feel nervous a bit but I know I'll be fine after a few weeks.

At the moment I've been making a youtube channel to do makeup on. I'm having a bit of a problem setting up my camera at the moment but hopefully it'll be up and running by tomorrow! I've just became so interested in makeup recently. I've always loved it but especially lately I've been so much more aware of trends, fashions and the types of different products available. I've officially been dragged in ;).

Inevitably there has been drama in the meantime since I last updated. Sean (who dumped his girlfriend of a year and a half for my friend Ashley) is now back with Natalie. Ashley is going off it despite that they've only been on one proper date and only kissed. Shes being really harsh to Natalie saying she's a fat monster he's only taking pity on which is very harsh as it's not really Natalie's fault... She's literally telling everyone who'll listen and writing it all over facebook about how Natalie should watch her back as she'll cheat and how pathetic Sean is. I do feel bad for Ashley as she got all her hopes up and Sean has been a total love rat, but I feel like most of the anger should be directed at him more than anything... Hopefully it'll blow over.

That's it for now kids :)
<3

Autumn/Winter Fashion 2009, Nails and Makeup

Whats in this fall? Here's the low down on whats 'in' at the top end sector of the fashion industry.....enjoy!


NAILS


The colours of the AW collections are dominated by greys, blood reds, purples and warm browns. These are all ultra glossy but contain no glitter for a darker look this season. Reds and purples are particularly popular and are available in a range of brands for every budget.


Revlon, shade name - vixen. £6.16



Revlon, shade name - one perfect coral £6.16



Nails inc, shade name victoria charm polish £15


Essie, shade name over the top £8.33



HAIR
Hair will be styled this A/W loosely pinned back from the head in a half do with loose curls as seen in Chanel. Click 'play' on this video to view how to interpret this into a wearable look:





FASHION

The clothes of this season follow similar tones to the 'in' nail varnishs with reds, rust, oranges and grey blues all stealing the show. Golds and silvers feature on dark fabrics like plum black and have sheer cut out sections with embellishment that catches the light setting the tone for partying.

Sorry for the smallness of this pic - it wont let me save off the website! Topshop 'armour dress' £200

Love Em <3

Murder on the dance floor

Sugared cuttle fish - yum yum! Or not. Last nights murder mystery party consisted of:: Lots of alcohol, chinese food, fortune cookies, laughter, unflattering photos, chatter, drunken talking and dancing. Good times!

It was my A levels results today; I needed 2Bs and a C to get into my first uni. I opened up my history results and some of my modules hadn't even been included! So I'd only gotten BCC overall and been accepted into my insurance. I was fuming! It turned out I should have at least got a B as well in history, so now I need to wait to get it all sorted with my right grades whilst I hang onto a thread to get into my first uni choice! Arrgghhh.

Unlucky in lurrrve

Urgh I went out on a night out last night and ended up having a greasy pizza, so I'm going to try make up for it today by having about 400cals. I really don't want to go back up in weight; I felt so shitty when I was larger. If anything I have at least half a stone to go but I wont be drinking for a while so hopefully I'll still keep losing.



Last night was really good although a bit dead for the Monday. Jo and me met my other two friends Ashley and Liz at the train station and we headed up to Sinners to take advantage of the £2 deal doubles they had on. I had the most assholish guy ever who kept on asking for my student ID even though he was serving everyone else students without one :@. Ashley was really nervous as she liked Sean the last time we went out but they were both in relationships, but this time round Ashley was single and Sean pretty much cheats on his girlfriend anyway with prostitutes. (Yep Ashley knows this but somehow this is not phasing her :/). He wouldn't even look at her when he first came in as he needed 'dutch courage' to approach her so I was hassled with the 'oh what should I do' on both sides for the night. Heh, I probably encouraged it because I'm more loyal to Ashley than the other girls feelings and they're relationship in dead in the water. Personally, I wouldn't have touched Sean with a barge pole keeping in mind his prostitution past and I certainly wouldn't have bothered if he had a girlfriend unless he straight out said he would leave her. I spent alot of the night talking to Jonny, my boyfriends friend as he's so hilarious. He was doing the most ridiculous dancing ever in the club, getting complete filthy looks from nearly every guy in there - I was pissing myself ;'). He was a bit drunk and kept on making me kiss him haha. The taxi cost £32 back (robbing bastards!) but it was my last night out for a while so I thought I may as well go all out.

I'll be avoiding facebook for the time being so I don't have to deal with the shit hitting the fan. I feel like this is only going to end in tears; Natalie's if Sean really does dump her, or Ashley if he doesn't. Also they will just be the general constant need to talk about it, she was bad enough when they met and didn't do anything, so god knows what they'll be like now. I'm trolleyed this morning, Steven was annoying me by calling me names which was supposed to be funny, so I was glad to just get out of there and chill at my own place. It's Jo's murder mystery tomorrow wooot so I'm looking forward to that :)
<3

Car booty

Guess how much I weigh today?!

........ 9st 2! Oh yes. I know some of you reading this would be like 'Love, that's a fat day for me', but considering I've weighed 9st 8 for the past year I'm super super chuffed :). Hopefully I'll get down into the 8st region so I can honestly say 'yep I'm 8st something', even if this something will be 8st 13 ;) hehe.

So anyway, I went shopping today at the car boot sale. I <3>

And also this dress for £1.50

Great bargains! ;)

Lately I've been thinking about all the friendships that have gotten a bit sour, mainly with Kat and Becca. I'll talk about that later though because it's 11pm and I'm so tired atm!

To speak or not to speak?

Ok guys, I'm not at 9st 3.4 so I'm at least not gaining at the moment! I hope that it stays off as I've been ill for the past week and had lost my appetite anyway. I'm hoping that it'll start hitting the higher ends of 8st with a bit of perseverance. I'd be totally ecstatic!

Anyway, I was watching episodes of 'The City' tonight. I love Whitney Port (the main person the cameras follow) and her full attitude to life. She just doesn't let those who are being snippy at her see they're affecting her, and rather than bite back she just swallows it up and lets them make a show of themselves to the public. Obviously we as viewers see the way that these other people have treat her and by not retaliating no bad shit rubs off on her, and we are left just judging those horrible people in the first place. For example, Olivia (somebody who works alongside Whitney in her job in fashion) took the credit for an outfit that Whitney had personally put together. Olivia got tons of credit for this whilst Whitney kept quiet to avoid creating waves at work, but obviously she never got away with this as the camera tells the truth.

But does this approach work in real life? After all, if somebody is taking us for a ride there's no public outcry and filming which says otherwise for us. That person is left to go on with the 'upper hand' of getting what they wanted whilst the person who didn't bite back gets trampled on. Sometimes I think "I'll say nothing and be the bigger person rather than cause drama", but the other side says "Why should I let *whoever* get away with this?!" What experiences do you gus share on this issue? What are you opinions?

<3

Expensive vs. cheap nail varnishes

Hiya guys, so this post is my review on whether their really is a difference in quality from the cheap to the expensive nail varnishes. I bought 6 nail varnishs off 'Nails inc' a reputable nail varnish and compared them with Collection 2000 nail and Primark nail varnishes.

Nails inc.
Cost: At 10.50 a bottle these are at the higher price range for nail varnishes.
Bottle: Normal to every other nail varnish I've purchased. They were exact to the cheaper brands such as Collection 2000 in terms of the brush and the bottle.
Colours: Beautiful colours that only need one coat to get a deep intense colour. Really pretty! BUT they chipped really really easily which was a bit frustrating.
Overall rating: 7/10. Really cute colours but overpriced and chipped just as easily as cheaper brands. On the other hand only need one coat - so maybe cost effective in the long run?

Collection 2000
Cost: £1.99 a bottle. Fairly cheap.
Bottle: Opened up easily and brush was perfect.
Colours: Cute colours, needed a few coats to get a nice finish. The colours are not as beautifully finished as Nails inc. but you could probably find something very similar.
Overall rating: 6/10. As long as you find a colour you like, you wont be disappointed. There is so many to choose from you're bound to find the 'in' autumn colours in the right shade for you.

Primark
Cost: 6 for £3 in a set. Great value!
Bottle: The brush wasn't the same length all the way through so it had to be cut before I used it. Not the best quality.
Colours: The colours were probably the most sustainable to chipping but as with the Collection 2000's needed more than one coat. Really limited in colour choices.
Overall rating: 5/10. Colours were quite limited, and it was annoying to have to trim them all before I could even use them. Despite this, they lasted a long time once they were on.

Generally, I believe it doesn't really make a difference what brand you go for. Nails inc. are beautiful colours but you can get really nice colours anyway for a 1/5 of the price. Also they might only take one coat, but they chip over everything! So really I'd say they were as sustainable as the cheaper brands.

What are your opinions?
<3

Spoil Sports

It was my friend Jo's birthday on the 6th - so I got all revved up to go and help her make a night of it. Amongst the girlies were yours truly, Jo the birthday girl, Crazy Rebecca B, Hardcore drinker Roz and Whiney-Bex.

I knew we'd go places that I wasn't really into; a pirate bar which had no recognizable cocktails and a rock bar where I was bitten four times were amongst these, but I had a laugh and made sure that everybody was feeling the party vibe. More than anything, I knew Jo had worried about pleasing everyone so I wanted to make sure she was having a good time.

Eventually after a few more bars we decided to go to a club, Liquid. We agreed to pay the £3 entry fee, Roz having to pay in Bex for some unknown reason. The music was pumping, so we headed to the floor. Everyone was getting into the groove.

Other than Bex. She just stood there limp for literally two songs before she went to the toilets. Roz went in after her and told us that Bex 'hated' it, but keeping in mind we had spent two hours in shit holes for Bex I couldn't help but feel annoyed as she'd barely given it six minutes. So Roz feeling guilty and responsible had to leave with Bex to go back to a scummy pub. I made a big effort to make sure Jo was having a good time and we had a right laugh, just the three of us, but I could tell that it was niggling on Jo and she felt a bit shit about it.

We were really enjoying ourselves but at two, an hour and half since we'd been in the club, Bex rang to say they couldn't get back in as it allowing people through the doors at 2am. Bex would have definiately went home ages ago but as Jo was paying for the full taxi I knew she'd stay to the bitter end - and huff about it along the way. So we had to leave which was really annoying as all three of us wanted to stay out, but we couldn't just leave them outside.

Outiside, Jo, Roz and myself decided to end the night with some dirty junk food but Bex complained we wouldn't be able to eat it in the taxi, clearly expecting that since she wanted to get home that everyone else should jump for her. We sat inside, trying to cheer up Bex who you would have thought had just been told a loved one had just died or something.

When we finished she even went in a huff because we explained you couldn't just jump in the taxi line in front of people just because you needed the larger taxis and that you had to wait in the que. Next, keeping in mind Jo was paying for everybodys taxi she asked if it would be ok to drop us off at a place in between all our houses rather than drop us off straight outside our doors. We all agreed - other than Bex of course, as she had to walk for 20 mins (just like Becca and Roz who didn't complain).

I remembered when it was Bex's birthday and she had brought her own car as she wasn't drinking. Jo had lost the people she was supposed to be getting a taxi back with and couldn't afford it on her own, so Jo asked for a lift off Bex (they live about 5 mins away from eachother) and Bex went completely off it. Jo even said she would walk from Bex's but Bex made such a massive issue out of it as if Jo had just asked for her one working kidney or something. Bex is notorious for never giving lifts even when she has the space and it would be at no extra cost as we'd walk from hers so if she's that spiteful more than anything she should expect the same back.

I just couldn't believe the cheek of Bex. Even if it wasn't her scene she could have made the effort to enjoy Liquid and compromise. She could have been less snotty about the taxi or offered to pay the difference considering how harsh she is with her own lifts. Am I being unreasonable? Do you guys think that she was in the right? Let me know :)

Shakiras a she wolf?!

Ok I get that Shakira is kind of known for her sexiness, but how over the top is this video?! Maybe it's to distract from the painful wolf noises that occur half way through.......

Boredom Busters

What do you guys do in the holidays to keep yourself busy?

Now that Summer School is out of the way, I just feel like I have literally nothing to occupy myself with. I've seen tons of my friends, and so much of my boyfriend that I'm sure his Dad is wondering whether he should ask for me board. I've been exercising everyday (and as a result now weigh 9st 4.6 instead of 9st 8, yayyy) and even went as far as to do my nails like this:



I was impressed with myself! I tried to take a photo but my camera is being really lame and incapable of picking up the detail :(. I took Molly, my doggy, out for a good 3 hours and took her swimming until the heat became a bit too much for both of us. I talked to all my family, applied for jobs, and then....
And then what? I have no idea what the hell to do with myself after I've done all these things. I don't want to suffocate friends or my boyfriend. I remember a month or so ago I was crumbling under the stress of my massive list of things to do and couldn't wait for a holiday. Now I honestly don't know what to do with myself, especially after I finish my my marathon series 2 of Heroes. Any suggestions?

Facebook account Burnt Toast

Hiya everybody :). I've set up a facebook account if anyone is interested; http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/profile.php?id=100000131230835&ref=profile

Love <3

Stuck in a rut

Weight is an issue which has been affecting me alot lately. No matter how hard I try I'm failing on a daily basis in my attempt to shed some poundage and it's becoming to annoying. I've managed to keep to the excersise, but as soon as it gets to about 6pm all my "stick to 1200 calories" promises crash and I can't resist temptation. I feel so frustrated and annoyed; it's as simple as just not eating extra but I feel so hungry all the time and have constant cravings.

This might be down to my food choices, I keep thinking "Oh these chips, 144 calories for ten chips that's fine" but of course that wont fill me up and I end up giving up and going for the bulk. I feel totally out of my depth, sickened by my expanding belly and general inability to stay controlled. I feel like throwing up right now I'm getting so fed up, but I know that's a slippy slope to how I was before. I don't want to obsess about my weight like I did, but I'm getting more and more desperate for something that will work for me. I used to run a very successful (and still going strong even though I haven't used it for years) weight loss forum which was aimed at girls like myself who were at a healthy weight, but just wanted to be that little bit skinnier. I know that's just one click away, just to kick myself off again. I also know I'll become obsessive and start taking it to extremes, easily influenced. Argh. I'm swamped by images of girls so thin and seem to be constantly eating out, they make it look so easy.

It doesn't help that everytime I opt for a healthy option I get screamed at by my Mam for costing the household money. For example, I ate my meal downstairs for a change (I usually eat in my room for this very reason) and I had used a handful of brown rice, half a pepper and half a tin of tuna. Keeping in mind, noone in my house likes brown rice and the pepper was ready to throw out as it was nearly rotted through. I was really excited as the whole meal was low in calories and super healthy but my Mam immediately started staring me out. I hate it when people stare when I'm eating and my Mam is fully aware of the problems I have with self image and my unhealthy starving in the past, but she seems to thrive on manipulating it. She especially loves that I've put on so much weight so she can make jibes. Straight off, she started ranting at me about how I eat everything and my Dad had wanted to say something since I kept on eating all the eggs (they're 80 cals so I love them), and how I should contribute and pay for my own food, etc etc, on and on until I just couldn't help but cry and left my food nearly untouched. I stayed in my room all day where my Mam shouted through I was being a total baby and couldn't control myself. I didn't eat for the rest of the day scared Mam would start commenting again. She's been away for the weekend with my Dad so since then in an almost rebellious way I've been eating whatever. Fuck it, she's not here to watch and mock me.

I have such an unsteady relationship with food. When I try to think back, I guess it's a mixture of shyness as a child which turned to criticising myself as I got bullied and then turning this on my eating habits as I started to get criticised for that. My Mam used to make me sit at the table and force me to eat whatever she had made, not letting me leave until I ate it all. If I didn't, I stayed at the table for hours crying until I was eventually allowed to go which was the most often option. I hated the dishes she made, I loathe pasta but her meals were always spag bol or past and mince so I didn't want to force myself to eat something I really didn't like.

"I don't understand why you can't just have a sandwich like everyone else, instead of eating us out of house and home. Your so selfish, we've wanted to say something for weeks. Your so greedy. Why don't you pay for it?" is the general argument spat at me in the most accusing and disgusted voice ever, especially recently. I would love to turn round and punch her straight in her obnoxious face in an imaginary world. Hmmm maybe I don't want to eat a sandwich because we only have white bread, which is unhealthy and that I hate the taste of and 127 calories a slice (!), we only have red meat or cheese which are both high cal and generally sandwiches don't actually fill me. I feel so hurt she uses food against me.

I don't know how to control anything from my relationships with people to food. I'm so annoyed that she's uses my insecurities so grossly and making me totally swing out of control with my weight. I have no idea where to go from here.

Spice up your life!

Sorry for the Spice Girls lyrics for the title hehe. It's hard to stop myself sometimes ;).

Anyhoo, to spice up my blog I'm starting a new section that you can see on the left hand side of my blog called 'Challenge me'. You can literally ask me anything or challenge me to do anything, and I'll email you back a link to a new blog with the experience. Please drop me by an email - dont be shy! My emails e_burnt.toast@yahoo.com . Even if you just want to leave a comment or a suggestion you can use that email. Basically I just want to hear from you guys! If you give me a rather large challenge I'll add it to my challenge list on this link here:

http://www.my50.com/yourlistro.php?list=3b7a7e29d019f5bd

If you're feeling really brave, let me know if you fancy starting a 'Challenge me' or 'Ask me anything' blogging section.
Love <>

Would you like a cup of tea, love?

When I write down blogs I try and be as frank as I would be talking to my best friends, and talk about the same stuff that would crop up. Sometimes this might offend people and I'm really not trying to do that, it's just that I think it's nice to have complete honesty. Alot of blogs that I read (and really enjoy) only include a certain part of their life, for example their feelings/fashion outfits/make up reviews etc which is great as you know what you're getting, but I'm always left wondering hmmmm I wonder how they feel about this subject or that.

It's for posts like this that I'm choosing to stay anonymous....... Today I'm going to talk about anal sex. Now this really is not my cup of tea. When I'm in the mood for a bit of sexy time I don't think "go on then love put it in my bum". At the same time I like to try and keep an open mind in every aspect of my life (which is why I'm attending a party which takes place as a soft play area for my friends 19th birthday, and why the next day we're going out in Sunderland under the 'Snog/Marry/Avoid' theme.... cringe haha). So yes I agree to try it. Once. Something to tell the grandkids, eh? Or not.

Well let me tell you, I was influenced into doing it by lovely Steven who is attempting to rationalise the illogical (to me it seemed anyway) and he finally managed to talk me into it. I can only say that it's like if someone inside your digestive system decided you were going to shit out some crisps alongside your normal number, that's what it would have felt like.

Case over.

..................................................................................................

On another note, I'm on day two of Nicky Hambleton-Jones 'Ten Years Younger' plan, so today I get to treat myself to a magazine in return for excercise, and write a list about my likes about myself and fives things I want to change.

Five things I like
* Good skin
* Manageable hair
* My lips
* Body shape
* Determination

Five things I could improve
* Confidence with new people and situations
* Ablility to stick to healthy eating and excercise
* Body confidence
* Not being intimidated
* Being tidier

Burnt Toast on the 120 Pro-palette!

I've had the pro-palette since before christmas now so I thought I'd do a proper review on it :).

Cost: 7/10. You can pick these up off Ebay for £10 inc p+p. Search around using key words until you get a good deal and remember to check user ratings. I personally paid £15 but that's when everyone was after these bad boys. Alot cheaper than other brands and good quality.

Packaging: 9/10. Mine arrived in perfect condition after about a 3 week wait as it arrived from Hong Kong. I've heard of a few people who have had perhaps one or two of the colours a bit broken but this is to be expected in the post and I'd say is unlikely if they're packaged correctly.

Colour range: 7/10. The colours are varying and very beautiful on. They're very high intensity; I would not recommend most of the colours for day use as you would look a bit like a drag queen, but they're fab for a night out! I use the burgandy, whites, browns and creams for everyday use, and use the other colours for a night out. They're perfect for the party scene more than anything and look amazing to make your eyes really stand out.

Durability: 6/10. They last a long time, but if you start rubbing your eyes then it will end up smudged down your face - so keep those mitts away and they should stay put for the whole day or night!

Mark out of 10 overall: 8/10. Perhaps more natural colours could have been put in, but the overall cost and amazing range of colours for partying greatly outweighs this setback!

Love <3

SPECIAL OFFER FOR NAILS INC!

Because I love everyone who reads my blog so much (especially my subscribers that have supported me from the beginning - thanks so much!), I'm going to share a special offer with you. I'm sure you've heard of Nails inc, it has lovely but very expensive nail varnishes that are at least £10.50 and £2.99 per one sent to you. How would you like them for....

£1!

Yep, £1 inc. p+p. Just click here. Pick whatever colour you want and enter this code: FABNA0709

This will let you have it for just a £1! It's one per household so you can get them sent to everyone's house you know if you want more than one colour ;). This was in my magazine which I bought at the weekend, and it's only valid until Tuesday so get typing before they sell out completely!

I've ordered one to my house, my boyfriends, my Nana's and I'm going to use my friends address too. So I'll be saving like £45 - how great?

Loves <3>

Making the most of your appearance: Skin

Skin is the largest organ your body has and clear skin is one of the most important attributes that allow us to be considered attractive, so keep these basics in mind.

Face MasksYou should treat your skin to a face mask every week for your skin type.
Your skin will be one of these types - it's important that you do use the right products as they can have the opposite effect to what you hoped for if they are wrong for your skin type.



Dry Skin
Skin feels tight and dryNo oily t-zoneSkin shows signs of photoageing- wrinklesSkin may feel flaky or roughSkin tends to be thin and appears dull



Normal/Dry Skin
Cheeks are dry and skin sometimes feels tightMinimal oily t-zone, usually on nose onlySkin gets dehydratedSmall blackheads are visible on nose & chin



Normal/Oily Skin
Cheeks may be oily or dryT-zone gets oily by the end of the daySkin is dehydrated with some dead skin build upSmall blackheads in t-zoneOccasional breakouts


Oily Skin
Cheeks or face are oily with open poresT-zone gets oily within hours after cleansingBumps under the surface of the skin with dead skin build upVisible blackheadsFrequent breakoutsSkin tends to be thicker


Acne/Problem Skin
Face is oily soon after cleansing Could be a mature skin that was once oilyVisible blackheads, whiteheads and open poresThere may be inflammatory lesions and scarringProblems may also occur on the neck, back or chest Skin may get red

Sensitive
Has trouble with environmental factorsSkin reacts to sun, temperature extremes, cosmetics, perfumes etcMay experience rashes, burning sensations and be easily irritatedHas permanent diffused redness particularly on nose, chin & cheeksSkin tends to be thin and may scar easilyShows signs of ageingCan be congested




Moisture


Keep your full body in great condition by using an exfoliator and moisturising afterwards to keep moisture locked in. Remember to cleanse your skin on your face every night too by carefully removing all traces of make up, then applying a toner and finally a night time moisturiser to wake up with great skin on your face and body.

Sun kissed

Bronzer is great for the summer to give a fresh dewy look. Make sure to not go over board and only apply it to the parts of the face that would catch the sun; the bridge of the nose, the forehead, chin and cheeks.

Fake it

Darkened skin by the sun looks very glamorous and flattering, making you appear slimmer. Using sun beds is not only unhealthy but makes your skin look like leather. 80% of wrinkles are caused by UV rays, so exposing yourself will cause alot of damage. The answer? Fake tan.

Ask around for what works for other peoples skin tones closest to yours to avoid purchasing a streaky tan. Many swear by Johnsons, but even the light one leaves streaks on me. My Mam who has a darker skin tone than me loves Nivea, it just depends! Set time, maybe once a week (unless you're using a gradual tanner) to fully moisturise then apply a tan.

Making the most of your appearance: Grooming

Hair might be natural, but we've been conditioned to expect a certain level or self preservation from society.

We all have days where we can't be bothered for the pain of eyebrow waxing and plucking, we think our legs are in jeans so what's the point of shaving, or our armpits won't be on show so we'll leave them for a few days. So, so tempting. What you wont realise is that your jeans rise as you sit or cross your legs, your top might move slightly to reveal that armpit - and in one go you've just shown everyone a flash of your ungroomed bits. Noone wants to see straggly hair and it screams 'I can't be bothered to make an effort!' so don't give it the chance to rear it's head.

Eyebrows

Eyebrows help to give structure and to frame your face. Go to a professional and ask them to wax them into a suitable shape, then upkeep them at a home with some good quality tweezers which will work out alot cheaper in the long run.

Armpits and legs

Wax or shave these - shaving is easiest and cheapest, but waxing last alot longer and gives a nicer finish. Remember to moisturise afterwards! I personally choose to shave, but my sister waxes and it really does last for weeks, unlike the effect with shaving.

The bikini line

The same theory as getting knocked down by the bus - you never know what might happen and who with. Imagine the shame of a sexual encounter where you get to your knickers and realise your hair is making a bid for escape around your crotch. Whatever you prefer, from all off to au natural - make sure that your pubes are at least trimmed and that you have totally removed the hair outside the knicker line by shaving or waxing.

Making the most of your appearance: Hair

I honestly believe that anyone can be attractive without the need for surgery. Humans are programmed to find certain attributes appealing because our instinct is to carry on the human race through sex. I'm not saying you'll look like a supermodel with effort, but you'll still look great and attract the right kind of attention. Everyone has parts of them that are unique and quirky and you can work with them. It's extremely harsh and shallow to say, but it's true most (if not all) people judge you on appearance, and I think it's more about the effort you put into yourself than anything else. If you make an effort with yourself, others will think you're worth the effort too.

Here's a guide on how you can make the most of your appearance. This is just a guide; everyone is different and two people who are both very attractive will be polar opposites. You have to stay true to yourself - confidence is after all the most sexiest thing about a person.

In this post I'm going to concentrate on hair, I'll write and post the other sections later on.

Hair

Looking after your hair

Scientifically, we are drawn towards thick healthy hair, and with so many options this is easy to imitate. Make sure that you deep condition your hair ideally once a week, and keep it in good condition by using heat protectant when drying and styling. Consider a daily protectant to prevent sun exposure, weather damage and fumes which can ruin the texture and natural oils in hair.



What hairstyle is right for me?










Find a few hairstyles you like the look of and go to a reputable hairdressers to discuss how they could work for your hair type and face shape. Try and find looks that would suit your hair type, the amount of time you'd be willing to spend styling your hair and your budget for upkeep. There's no point picking a hairstyle that would take 30mins if you are only prepared to spend 5mins in the morning, or picking an amazing hairstyle that would need regular dyes and cuts to keep it intact if you're on a very limited budget.

I'd say go to a reputable hairdressers at first and splash out, then upkeep your look with a cheaper hairdresser. If you fancy a change, consider small changes, only changing your hair on a massive scale with a hairdresser you trust completely.


General advice for hair and upkeep







Strictly speaking, highlights on your natural colour (for example, if you have light brown hair go for dark blonde highlights, ginger then consider vibrant red etc) and soft layers are the most flattering to nearly every single face shape and hair type. A solid hair colour can look tacky and hair is one of the first things people notice so it's well worth the extra money for a professional dye. I only go to the hair dressers for highlights every six months as I'm a student, and in the mean time I touch up my roots every 2 months and get my Mam (who's a hairdresser) to trim the ends to keep them in good condition. If you don't have a hairdresser on tap, then in the meantime go to a very cheap hairdresser and just ask for a trim which is very difficult to get wrong and can make you feel a million dollars.


Daily effort



Hair is so important, so don't leave it for days on end to get disgusting and greasy, people will notice. If you're completely stretched for time and can't possibly wash it, invest in some cute hats to hide those roots. If you dry your hair with a hairdryer rather than leaving it to dry naturally you will also have more control over the finished style. Otherwise you might end up with a slanty and uncontrollable 'do which has dryed strangely overnight from the way you've been lying on it.



Where to get basic hair style ideas and find out the basic tools you need for your hair...


(A photo from the Youtube channel 'Itsjudytime')


Check out youtube tutorials for hairstyles you can try out in ways which are easy to follow. I particularly like the channel 'Itsjudytime' as she's so friendly and explains in a way which is easy to follow. Also buy fashionable hair bands and clips to update your look so you appear that you have made an obvious effort to look presentable. Invest in simple styling products - heat protectant, styling spray and hairspray are total essentials. The right tools are also a must; at least a straightening iron, hair dryer, hot air brush, a teasing comb and a normal brush. You may think what is the point of so much effort, but believe me people always notice your hair and the effort you've made even if they don't comment - I personally always notice hair and find those who make an effort instantly look more glamorous.


My own daily hair regime:
I'm not blowing my own trumpet (ok I am a little....) but I often get complimented on my hair as being thick and in really good condition. My hair used to be totally unmanageable and I had MANY cringworthy days. Thankfully I've learnt to work with my hair and I rarely ever have a bad hair day.......


1) I wash my hair every day as it becomes so greasy otherwise. This isn't essential for every hair type so consider your own hair. I wash it twice with shampoo and then rub conditioner on the ends which I leave on for a good five minutes before washing off.

2) It's bad for your hair to apply heat when it's soaking wet (wait until it's only damp) so I towel dry it. I pat the wet out my hair rather than rub as my hair would break.

3) When it's nearly dry, I apply a heat protectant spray all over my hair and comb it through, and use the hair dryer on the lowest heat to cause the least damage. To make my hair look thicker and to create volume I dry it upside down. Also when I turn off the hair dryer and the heat is still in my hair I remain with my head upside down. This is because your hair remains in the position it's cooled in, so it would end up flat against my head if I let it dry in that position, but it falls nicely volumnised at the roots against my head if I wait with my hair upside down.


4) I use styling spray for any flyaways and as well as this I use it to comb through my hair to make it more manageable. If any of my hair is at a weird angle I usually apply heat protectant spray on that section before I get out the straighteners.


5) If I want a really glamourous look, I section off my hair as if I was going to do a half do. I then put in my extentions (£15 from Extras) and clip them down. I let down the top of my hair which covers the clips from my extentions and then I use my fingers to comb through my hair and extentions so they don't break. I then add a fashionable headband or clip to show an obvious effort.

I get my hair highlighted with two different shades of blonde to keep my hair slightly natural, as one tone can look brassy and cheap. My hair is kept layered to create bounce and volume.


Love <3

PORN!

Boredly browsing the net, I came across the most gorgeous website ever for jewelry. I particularly liked this, but it was so hard to choose! I'M. IN. LOVE. You can see their pieces on this link: http://eclecticeccentricity.bigcartel.com/. Well worth a look and a nudge in your partner's direction ;)

Blog Lovin

I recently signed up for Bloglovin.com but to be honest I don't really understand what I'm doing.... But if you want to add me anyway ;). I'll keep with it for a while in the hope that it starts to make sense :p

Loves <3

Shoe Splurge

Today I went to Newcastle to hand in my project which is thankfully completed fully now. Laura (my new friend from the summer school) met up with me to hand in the project and waited after as Ashley was typically late. It was a bit awkward with Laura but it was ok; I think I would still hang out with her as she seems like a nice girl. Then it was on to SHOPPING though :D. Everywhere had sales on, it was amazing! I got a £2 hair band from River Island which is super super cute, I'll upload a photo later. I also got these:::

They're quite hard to walk in but for £15 down from £35 I'm willing to brave it ;). I also got these:

These bad boys aren't the exact ones, they're the exact same shape but mine are snakeskin red and black. That sounds so trashy but they're amazing! It was really good to see Ashley and we also found a great coffee shop where you get massive mugs of hot chocolate with whipped cream, a flake and sprinkles for £2.25

ALSO.....................

IT'S MY FIFTIETH BLOG!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOO

I'm now at Stevens (again!) so I best be off and give him some love and attention.

Friends are like trees

How many friends do you have?
Not in the loose sense of the word of people you occasionally chat to, sit next to at work, only see in your studies... I mean the type of people you would spend time with just because, who you could truly trust and who you know you can rely on.

I decided to arrange my full Facebook list into groups (that only I could see!). The first list were people I considered my real friends, the second were people that I could see with time could become real friends if the relationship developed, or people who with a bit of work I could be very good friends with. The third were people who had been really good friends at one point in my life, but now we were distant. The fourth were just people from school/work etc.

It was so eye-opening to see that some of my friends had fell into the second category just because we hadn't seen each other for quite a while, and the how many people had once been so significant in my life and now were barely part of it, other than the occasional 'how are you?'. The most noticable thing though was how many true friends I actually had. They were only a few; about 5/6. We all have friends we only see as part of a group, or not nearly as often as we should who we get on very well with. It's so easy to let things slip. I honestly want you right now to actively think of the people you'd say were great friends... My problem was 'Oh well there's Katie, but in all honesty, we've split ways alot now...... Well there's Kim, but I haven't seen her for years' etc etc. Since they'd been a big part of my life at one time and I know so much about them still, I was still seeing myself as close to them on initial thoughts until I actually thought about it.

I felt so depressed; 5 bloody friends. So I started asking around, searching blogs, reading articles etc just to see, am I the only one? Not at all. They all agreed to have on average between 3-6 close friends with tons more people that were just acquantices, or only 'social friends'. My favourite analogy was the one about trees.

Supposedly friendship is like trees because they are part of of your life in the same way as different parts of the tree are. There's the leaves; these are people who are friends for a little part of your life, but blow away when the wind changes direction. These are your friends you see every day at work to share lunch with, but when you/they change jobs you barely ever see eachother; neighbours, at particular places for example if you both go to the gym together, or see eachother walking dogs. The point is, once this main thing in common changes, the relationship goes kaput.

Next is branches; these are friends that have had a significant part in your life, perhaps for years, or people you once saw alot of and shared many events together with. Falling outs, just generally being busy, losing touch etc and slowly but surely they stop being proper friends and you drift away from eachother.

Then there's the roots, these are the people you could call on for any reason, at any time. You know they are always there for you through thick and thin. The people you could tell your embarrassing stories to, bitch at, have fun with and your shoulder to cry on. These are the people who have had massive influence in your life. Often, these are the people who have been around consistantly for years.

What do you think? How many friends have you got? Do you agree with the tree analogy? Let me know! Love <3

Tagging game

So I got tagged by 'Style is the sixth sense' to put up the 6th photo from your 6th album from your computer.... BUT mine was a photo of myself, and since I'm trying to stay anonymous (particularly after the embarrassing sex story) I had to black out my face. Don't worry, I don't usaually sit and take photos and then think, 'you know, I'm going to block my face out'.... Because that would just be weird....

I tag all you guys to go 6th album 6th photo crazy! Anyone reading this, leave a comment and I'll check it out!

Yesterday, I got my hair highlighted blonde so I want to show it off! I suppose Roz has already seen my hair whilst it's in the hairdressing-glory stage of things, before I've washed it. We had a nice pizza night which was great! My parents are away at the moment so I might ask Steven to sleep...

If your thinking, 'DAMN that girl just did an excersise vid and she isn't washing her hair after!!...' I will wash my hair as I do everyday! I'm not that skanky......yet ;)

Today I've been fairly productive; tidied my room (a bit), did a 'Pump it up!' DVD, wrote some of my essay up. Go me! So yeah, I'm gonna head off now

Loves <3

Giving Blood Take 2!

Aaaaa dear.
Is it wrong I was slightly pleased I couldn't give blood?

I tried to justify not going all day, but in the end a guilty concsious won out and I headed down with my sister. After a half an hour wait from the appointment time (they always run over) I was pretty much shitting a brick. When the finger pin prick said I had low iron I must admit I was secretly pleased....
'Yesss I don't have to have needles in my arm'. BUT for being a bad person I still had to get a needle for a blood test.

Summer school is finally over, but I still have to write a letter to get in. I'm glad I had to go as I don't feel nervous about uni at all! I'm at Stevens right now so I best be off as I'm ignoring him x

plodding

Sometimes the best fun really is for free...

Today I went to the beach with my sister and dog Molly. The waves were really strong and high so we started to plod, then we got a little deeper - and all of a sudden a massive crashed straight over my head! I totally lost my footing, fell forwards and floated back to the shore again. It was hilarious to everyone watching seeing my feeble attempts to get back up. I lost all respect I might have looked like I had, my sister actually literally wet herself and had to find a cliff to edge by. The rough charves were not amused at all, but it was great. I think they at least got some satisfaction that I cut all down my legs and bruised them haha.

Molly was being ambitious with the waves thinking she could swim out to the sea to catch the birds floating. It was futile but soooo cute bless her. I never really go out to the beach or for a walk if I can help it, but I always love it when I do. So if you're reading this, get your old trainers on, grab a family member and go find some fun!

(Here's a photo that I nicked off a website, but its the exact beach we went to. My favourite are always the beaches which are rocky rather than the white sandy ones because they bring back so many lovely memories...)

Kill Me Now

I think I might just start a blog called the 'kill me now' blog, since I'm inecapable of staying out of embarrassing situations.

I lock the door in Steven's room as we are getting down and dirty. All of a sudden the door starts to open to reveal Steven's Dad. HIS DAD. Of all people. Jesus.

"Get out! Get out!" Steven shouts, but it's too late. Too late for any dignity, denial or a chance to escape.

I had locked the door, but not clicked it shut properly so it was locked but not attached to a door.
My. Life. Is. OFFICIALLY. Over.
It will take many years to get over my sad, sad life. So please put me out my misery now. Actually, if any crazy people are reading this not in a literal way thanks haha.

I was convinced by Steven he never saw anything, but as Steven went down the stairs first I heard his brother smirk, "Got caught?". Steven's brother is such an asshole I just knew he'd be dropping obvious hints to embarrass me, and Steven's reaction pretty much confirmed everything.

Up until then I'd been keeping myself together, not even blushing, but I felt so humiliated just then I waited up the stairs until Steven came back up and opened the door again in his room for me. At first he wouldn't leave me alone as unfortunately my inability to stop myself crying always comes to play when I'm embarrassed, but it was only a one or two tears thank god.

Ergh... I hope I can avoid seeing either of them when I leave. But of course, I will bump into both of them.
Hope nothing this embarrassing has happened to you guys lately haha :)
Loves <3 for you all.